Todays Grey’s… it made me realize.,. …
Todays Grey’s… it made me realize.,. its all so clear now… okay,
So I had an epiphany.
He….he took little pieces of me. Little bits at a time, so I didn’t notice. But he started tearing me apart. Peeling away at my skin… I changed for him. I changed into who he wanted me to be.
The initial act.. that wasnt neccisarily him. It would have happened eventually…one day.
But he got me to do thing I would never do. He got me to lie for him, cover him, do whatever it was he wanted. He got me to let myself be used, not get what I deserved. Little by little, he changed me. He turned me into this whole different person, and honestly, I don’t know who I was. I don’t even recognize myself. Until lately, I am slowly, starting to regain little pieces, in glimses. Still because of him, I am this totally other person to other people too, now not just him. But in these small snap shot memories of who I used to be…when I would have said no…when I would have known better..I….
I am going to be me again. I need to find myself. The person that I was before December 1st, 2008. That, THAT is the girl that I love. I miss that girl. The girl that wouldnt put up with bull shit. The girl that wouldnt get manipulized. The girl that… is better then this.
I thought you helped me in a small small way… but thats not true. You have turned me into someone I am not. You have taken away the pieces of someone extrodinary. But now, I am going to fight to get them back.
And never again, will anyone ever change me. I wont change for love. You have to love me, for me.
Love is supposed to be the best thing in the world, worth anything, but its not. Its not worth changing yourself and who you are.
pd0815 6:48 am on February 5, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
maybe you were changing because that’s what people do when they grow.
soulsearchin 5:54 pm on February 5, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
you don’t change into a person who lets yourself get used, lets yourself get manipulated, doing things you dont want to do, just to please someone else. Thats not growing up. Thats growing stupid. Thats the work of being in love with someone who only wants to change you, who only wants to use you. And this is me. This is me realizing that that isn’t me. And that I may be different then I was over a year ago, but I am not this person… that is letting all this crap happen to her, then bitching about it.