everyone thinks i’ll always get over my…
everyone thinks i'll always get over my problems, but there will be a point when i can't. then...the air will fill with regrets & hatred & tears. it's not going to fix anything. so what should they do? it's not like they can always worry about me. right now, my frustration is getting to me. i don't want to be a famous piece of trash. i practice & practice, but i always come to the realization that there are so many people better than me...so many people that don't deserve it. i don't care if i come off as racist. i do blame my voice on my race. i blame a lot on my race. people say i'm stereotypical. where the fuck do stereotypes come from? PATTERNS. patterns that are EXTREMELY noticeable. i wish people would stop fucking telling me that it's 'racist' when i say black people can sing better most of the time. 1st of it, it's a COMPLIMENT, it's not racist. 2nd of all, THEY HAVEN'T BEEN TO TALENT UNLIMITED HS auditions. 5 fucking rows, i was the only asian female. most of them were BLACK PEOPLE. besides, i looked up 'talent unlimited' on youtube. most the people in that school are black. at least the ones that sing.
everyone tells me i let myself get angry, especially my mom, but HOW CAN I NOT. no one lets me fucking rant, not even some people on this site. i listen to them, i take their bs. yeah, i really enjoy hearing my mom say that she wants to leave my dad when i'm older. i really enjoy hearing that she regrets marrying my father. when i tell her i have troubles with some people, she tells me i'm t he one letting myself get angry. by that point, i want to rip off her fucking hypocritical head & flush it down a toilet & let it float in a sewer, where bullshit like that belongs.
why do people feel sympathy towards others but not me? because i'm a teenage girl? does that make me stupider? no. i'm smarter than a lot of older people. being suicidal doesn't make you stupider. i know why i'm suicidal. because i think too much. because i analyze too much. normal douchebags prance around happily because they don't think enough to realize that once they die, there will be tears, then people will heal & forget about them. if they know that & are strong enough to go on, well, good for them, but i know that's a small percent of the population.
people tell me their bullshit, but i'm too smart for it. they want to deny it. sure, they might know a lot about math & physics, but what about life? they can be years ahead of me, but if all those years were spent prancing around being an ignorant know-it-all, that means nothing to me.
i hate when my mom disregards my anger. it makes me feel like taking her head & twisting it to a 360, but i can't, because she's my mom. so you know what i do? i CRY. nearly every fucking time, i end up crying because of her insensitively & failure as a good mom.
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