So Ive got quite some reasons to be happ…

So Ive got quite some reasons to be happy and others to be sad. I try to focus on the happy things.

My “best friend” suddenly will ignore me no matter how I try to be nice to her. I confronted her, she denyed she was ever ignoring me and then kept doing the same. Sometimes I wish we couldve seen the effects that her relationship with her now ex bf would bring, and dont get me wrong. Im not blaming it on her bf or their relationship, but I just wish we couldve looked at the mistakes wed both make and stop it frm happening. Since she got her bf and I started to be friends with him nothing was ever the same. I also youldve expected her to tell me whats wrong for her to be like that. It saddens me, but it also pisses me the fuck off and sometimes it makes me detest her.

My grades aren’t what I wouldve expected from myself. Nothing like that. Its a lot harder than I expected, but I try hard. Ill try harder.

It’s September. I hate September. I over react, but it makes me blue. It reminds me of his death and of pain to others as well as so much tradgedy. I know its just like many other months, nothing really different, all year is full of pain and tradgedies, but it saddens me. It just does. Im now happy, a completley different person than before, but there will always be that little part inside of me that grieves just a little bit.

Oh! And he cheated! Thats right! Son of a bitch! He was drunk and,…..He kissed another guy. Yupp. A guy, I dont give a damn that he kissed a guy! I mean, who am I to judge? Its even awsome that he likes to kiss guys too lol. But he thought that because he was drunk and because it was with a guy I wouldnt feel upset? He can fuck off. Then I can kiss as many girls I want even when Im in a relationship? That would be really really awsome, but its not the way it works, not for me at least.

On the other hand, Im happy =). Me and my life time friend have been really good =). I asked her to pass the 7th with me, since I prefer not being alone since its his aniversary. I want to feel a little distracted. She said ofcourse she would and not to worry cause Id be fine.

Today, I had a litle breakdown at school. Some people to whom I never even couldve crossed a word with last year tried to make sure I was fine. It deeply disturbed me, but I apreciated them trying to help & it does show that Ive been capable of building better relationships with those around me. Specially one of my best friends, who is always there and made me feel so much better. Shes always there no matter what. So yeah. Any feeling of loneliness I ever had before are long gone. I have the best friends ever.

I got this gigantic painting of The Beatles off clearance & hanged it on my room. I LOVE it!

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