I’m frustrated. I went back to him to resolve the issues, to figure out what was going on and see if his assholeishness was malicious or not. I’m satisfied that hes a good person, just with huge issues. I am satisfied that he is not an asshole. But I don’t understand why people insist on lying. Insist on lying when you are putting yourself out there, completely open and honest, and giving them the chance, in fact asking, for a genuine answer, while making it clear that there is no wrong answer, and that you do not blame them or judge them, you just need to know the truth in order to stop from getting hurt. I do not understand the lies. I mean, I know I’m no saint, but if I can tell that someone is showing me their vulnerability, being honest, and simply wants that in return, I will never lie. I will tell them the truth. I went into his room and told him that I would be willing to continue “it” under his terms because I realize every situation is complicated, if we made sure to see each other consistently. That was my only criteria. See each other consistenly, do I dont have to be kept guessing and wondering the whole time. If that was what he wanted great, if not, no problem at all either, and I would be totally content with being friends like we had discussed earlier. He jumped at the chance, said yes, consistently, lets do it. Spent the morning asking me what we could do to make the whole situation more comfortable for me, gave me his goofy grin and pulled me in again for a kiss when I was leaving, texted me after I had left again to make sure I was ok several times…and then nothing. Again. Nothing. Just like last time. And I left that apartment, happy relieved, and excited, because stupid me, I expect people to be honest when you are honest with them because I have never known anything else, and that is how I conduct myself. Getting my hopes up and then crushing them for the second time is not acceptable. I gave him an out. Set it up for him, put myself out there, so that it would be least painful for him. And he just lied. And now, I had to, despite my pride, after another week of hearing nothing, text to ask him something, and the answers from him varied ridiculously between flirting and shutting down. I don’t get it. I gave him an out. Such an easy out.
Updates from moontissues RSS Toggle Comment Threads | Keyboard Shortcuts
-
moontissues
-
moontissues
-
kissysellout
Is he mentally ill? He sounds like it. I had one before and it drained me so much I don’t want to have any emotional ties (read: friendship) with anyone who’s mentally ill. I’m not trying to discriminate all mentally ill people, but it takes a lot to be in a “relationship” (whether friendship, familial, or intimate) with them.
-
moontissues
Ha. I guess in a way. I don’t think he knows how to trust people anymore. Its sad, because I do like him. Its not even that I uberdoober like him, that would be silly at this point, I have only known him for 2.5 month, but this is the third time this year I have had people seriously mess with my head, and it is really getting to me and affecting me more everytime. I tried to trust him, and he is also the only person whom I have ever slept with. I don’t expect that much. I just do not understand the point of lying. I just want the truth, and I do at least want to remain friends because I think hes a wonderful person despite all the dark and twistiness. And FML, hes everywhere, I can’t avoid it.
-
-
-
moontissues
I hate not knowing
-
moontissues
wow…sorry that that was so long…guess thats what happens after weeks of bottling stuff up. I don’t know what to do. Shit, I hope he likes me, but I have the sickening feeling that he doesnt. And hey, the worst part is that I don’t even like him anymore. But I want to like him, and I want him to like me. Fuck.
-
Cavalary
Don’t worry about it being long
To answer the “who does that”… Unfortunately, a whole lot of people. Very likely most of them if they’d only have the chance.
Now of course I could be wrong, but it seems to me like you were something of a challenge he set up for himself and now that he succeeded in it he wants a new one.
Not sure what more I could tell you, especially on here… Just *hugs*-
moontissues
yeah, I think you might be right :/ It just sucks, he SEEMED so genuine and interesting. And there are certain other factors that mean I will probably have to interact with him at some point. Ugh. and he didn’t seem like it was something he did often. He sucked at planning and hiding it, not like someone well practiced. Ugh, this is the problem, I keep making excuses because I don’t want to accept what might be the answer. Also, rereading my post in the morning, I realized some of the things I wrote may have come across as arrogant, and I really didn’t mean them like that, I suck at deciphering tone when drunk, sorry ! >.<
-
-
broken
you fucked a rock star?
-
moontissues
-
-
-
moontissues
I’m so tired, and I wish I knew why. I have no right to be sad. I’m at a top university, have a healthy, well-off family, am considered to be good looking, but I am so tired, and sad, and I have no time to give myself a chance to grieve.
I hate that I am hurting people here. I don’t want to. In high school, I never got any attention from boys. Never. Now, all of a sudden in college, they are everywhere, and I am recieving an overwhelming amount of attention. I do not know how to deal with it. I have absolutely no idea what to do, its so sudden, and so new. I have a good ten years of catching up to do. I hardly ever like boys, I am horribly picky. Then, I finally liked one here. I do not know why, hes not even my type. But then it turns out he had serious issues, and he hurt me quite badly. I don’t even know why, it shouldn’t have affected me, I hate myself for allowing it to take up my time and energy, I can’t be mad at him, I know he is a good person, but has his own issues right now and is being a coward. I don’t know how to act around boys anymore, I want a boyfriend really badly, but this last boy screwed me up, and I find myself only being able to go after boys who I think are really really attractive, its so wrong, I hate that that is how it is, but right now, something is broken, something got shut off, and I do not know how to deal. The thought of doing anything with anyone I am not only purely physically attracted to mortifies me, and it mortifies me even more that that is how I am functioning right now. I told myself that I would not hook up with any boy I know right now, I need soemthing new. But now, whenever I am drunk, I stick to my promise of not hooking up with any of them, but I still end up flirting way too much, and then just shutting down at the end. Its horrible, its leading them on, I don’t know how or why it has happened. I am afraid I am going to start getting a bad reputation as a tease, I don’t want to, I’m trying not to, but something inside keeps freaking out. I don’t know how to respond, I can’t simply not text back if a boy texts me, that would be rude, but now, through tremendously stupid behavior, I have hurt 4 boys recently that I like, and are nice people. I don’t want to, I just don’t know what to do. And yet, I have to study, study for exams, for midterms, there is no time, and I am always tired. I need an off day, I need to watch movies, to cry. But there is never any time here. I am just tired, and I hate myself for not being able to let go of the idea of a boy, with whom things never even really went that far. I am afraid I will never be able to actually have a boyfriend, my whole life I have only ever liked three people. I don’t want to hurt people, but I know I am doing it. And I don’t know how to stop.
-
Dan-Yella
Maybe you could apologise to the boys you hurt? At least that way you’ll have a clear conscience that you did the best you could to reconcile your behaviour. Though honestly, you’re not doing anything terribly wrong, and confessing this means that you care about how you are acting and reacting. If you tell yourself that you can’t change, then chances are, you won’t. You are the only person that can take action against your own behaviour. Just don’t be too hard on yourself.
Daniela
-
moontissues
Ha. Its funny to look back on this and read it months later. Well I certainly got my “something new,” and it fucked me up even more than the last one.
-
-
pd0815 11:31 am on February 24, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
If he already has a girlfriend, and i guess you already knew about her, how did you get hurt? I really doubt this guy has issues with confrontation. no one really does. I has more to do with convenience and being a asshole. The people he has “destroyed”… i mean… who allows that to happen to themselves these days? If it’s true then they’ve allowed themselves to be destroyed. You were used if he already has a girlfriend. he’s not only a user but a cheater as well and that’s just the crap you know about. good luck getting the truth from him. I like trying to guess what happened in this drama that has caused you to hurt so. My advise would be to cut your losses because by what you write, he already has.
moontissues 11:36 am on February 24, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
yeah. I didn’t know he had a girlfriend. He left that one out for three months, thanks.
moontissues 11:47 am on February 24, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
but you are right. Not to mention I dont have time for this right now. I have shit to do. I will not let him get to me. He has more issues than anyone I know, but I can’t even know that for sure. Think I’m going to delete this, I should not have posted it in the first place, I was just very upset.