This is the third time you do this. The third time you lead me on like this.
The last two times you let me down. You left me broken, alone.
Is this finally it? After nearly two years… will you finally take me back?
I love you more than ever. I need you more than ever.
I don’t care how many times you lead me on like this..
I just hope that one of these times, you’ll take me back for good.
I’m too pussy to risk it all for you.
I had to let you go. You deserve much more than what I am. You deserve someone who is willing to either sacrifice her parent’s trust, or who can freely be with you.
I love you. Please don’t wait for me,
I can’t fall in love…not again.
I am falling in love with you, Ross White.
I was lost, wandering. Playing with hearts, trying to get over that very first love from a year ago. I realized this, and let the most current boyfriend go. The poor boy was desperate, and we keep hooking up…out of pity, I let him kiss me and pretend everything is normal again.
I cut this shit. I am a hypocrite for having my heart broken and moaning about it while breaking somebody else’s.
Now that all I feel is hatred for that one boy whose lips oh-so-sweetly infected mine a year ago, I find that there is no need for me to keep looking for a new love, better and more suitable for me.
He is right in front of me, and between our rhymes we have found that we love each other.
Should I trust him? Should I let go?
I broke down his walls, and I want him as much as he wants me.
Am I ready to love again?
Funny, how a year ago we would’ve been standing in the cold together, laughing away the chills and holding on to each other tightly. Funny, how in the morning I happened to see you by sheer chance, and sat to talk to you for a bit. Funny, the way you hugged me tightly, while I blew on your chin this afternoon. Funny how somebody said “You guys are so adorable together,” even though you and I have nothing to do with each other anymore. Funny, the way you told me you loved me still, and that you didn’t want me to leave. Funny that I’m leaving this place because of you, so I can get away from you and start over new. Funny, how I’m still in love with you. Funny, how everyone says you’re not worth it. Funny. Love is funny.
I miss everything about you. I miss the way you smile, the way you laugh. I miss your voice, and your lips. I miss how soft your hair was underneath my hands. I miss the way I gripped your shirt when I kissed you, and the way you grabbed me around my waist when you kissed me. I miss how our fingers intertwined in a perfect knot. I miss listening to music with you, I miss kissing to the beat of the music. I miss the little corny things you’d say when I lay down next to you. I miss talking about everything with you, and I miss crying in your arms when I was feeling down. I miss watching movies with you, and I miss watching TV over the phone with you. I miss staring into your eyes. I miss acting stupid with you. I miss watching you long-board. I miss taking walks with you. I miss the nights you walked me home. I miss the nights I sneaked out to see you, or when I told lies to be with you. I miss talking about God with you, about religion. I miss fooling around under the covers with you, and giggling about it. I miss late night texts from you, and I miss late night video calls from you. I miss slow dancing with you. I miss you.
It’s been a whole year. It’s been a whole year and I thought I was over you, but then I saw you…by coincidence. I saw you and you invited me into your house. You talked to me, you looked at me that way again. You hugged me, and you held on tight. You told me you still loved me, but that you were more physically attracted to me than anything, and you love me too much to base our relationship off that.
I told you I would wait forever if I had to.
Oh. Yeah, that’s great. Just go on and kiss me in front of everyone. Sure, I don’t mind. Great. Now you won’t talk to me? Okay, very mature. Great game you’re playing here, Alex.
I just want a guy who’ll write me notes and make me mix CDs. I want a guy who’ll hold my hand and hug me every single time he sees me. I want a guy who never does anything to make me think that he wants me for the wrong reasons. I want a guy who won’t over-say the words “I love you”. It’s a tall order, but I’m willing to wait. Is that wrong?
Second time you stand me up. Didn’t you say you wanted a second chance? Thanks, you make Valentine’s day beautiful. Hah.
I can’t help but wonder what type of test I’m being put through now. I just had surgery, my mom’s scheduled for NECK surgery (that’s quite the risky type of surgery), my dad won’t talk to me anymore (ever since you moved away, you can’t send a few dollars a week, or call?), my parents are fighting and my step-dad is moving out (this is your fourth husband, mom), the constant rejection (four guys in a row?), and my best friend won’t talk to me anymore (how long has it been, a month?). Who can I turn to? I can’t unload this crap through my art…it won’t just flow anymore. I try to write about it, but that temporary relief goes away eventually. I can’t run it out anymore because of my surgery. I can’t talk to my mother about it, since she’s so worried about the problems she’s having with her marriage and the news of the surgery. I can’t talk to my friend about it, because she’s no friend ever since she decided to fuck her over-age boyfriend. It seems like this stupid website is the only place I can go to, to unload. I just wish that all my problems would start to fade away slowly. Whatever this is all supposed to teach me, I hope it’s worth it.
Well if you need anything. You may talk to me. You can ask me for my email if youd like to talk to someone about it.
I’ve read your stuff, you’ve got enough on your mind.
Yes. I do, but actually, Id love to have some kind of contact (ANY) with someone, and the fact that Im going through harsh times, makes me wanna know at least I can help others who are going though hard stuff feel better in any way. If this is about me, dont worry. Ill be fine. you may ask me if you still want my email.
Valentine’s day and I aren’t the best of friends. This time around, you’re angry at me. I don’t blame you, I turned you down for another boy, who doesn’t even like me. You’re so close, yet so far away. My only wish is for you to look at me the way you did before I betrayed you. Ever since you pulled me out of my depression, ever since you were the only one who still loved me, and treated me the same after I came out of that hospital….I haven’t been able to forget your marble colored eyes. You are my hero, will you please give me another chance and find within you the forgiveness I have had to ask for so many times? I’m accident prone, just be my good luck again…
why so you can choose another boy over me? it’s not that i can’t trust you anymore - you can’t trust me.
I feel so empty that I actually enjoyed the pain the surgery I had yesterday caused me. I liked forgetting the emotional pain hearing you call me a “psycho stalker” caused me. My new physical disturbance is a great distraction from the fact that you begged me to give you another chance, yet you won’t look at me anymore. It’s funny, once upon a time, you were in my position. Life is fair and likes revenge.
I turned him down, for you. And now you won’t even look my way.
You hurt me so bad, told me I was obsessive. You say it’s because you were mad, confused. It’s been eight months, and I’m giving you yet another chance. We never end up together… almost….so close. Close to feeling your lips on mine, your freckles under my fingers like a nebula reserved all for the nights I feel alone…but not quite there yet. I want you, why can’t we just be together, if that’s what we both want?
I hate you, I love you. Get out of my thoughts.
“Close to feeling your lips on mine, your freckles under my fingers like a nebula reserved all for the nights I feel alone”
I know exactly how you feel, love.
finding someone who appreciates you can’t be that hard.
Tell that to, well, probably the vast majority of people here… and a lot of people anywhere really.
wron answer
wrong*
Depends on who you are, to tell you the truth.
I think I’m gonna have a funeral for my love life.
I’m a naughty girl. I let him trick me into giving him his show. Thing is, I love him, and I don’t care. Will I feel this way about it in the morning? Will I regret it?
when you say show, i’m thinking exotic dance.
more or less, he just wanted to see some skin.
It’s YOUR fault I want you back. IF you had let me get over you, instead of kissing me.. I’d be over you. I didn’t want to let you leave. I wanted you to stay. I wanted you to kiss me, and tell me you still loved me. But then again, I’m a dreamer.
It’s almost been a year since you and I were together. I was almost over you, and you messed it up by kissing me. Now the nightmares have come back. I keep having apocalyptic dreams where you are my only savior. Except now, you won’t take me in anymore. You turn me away, and I wake up feeling like it was all real.
Fckdamylife.
I hate January so much. Great way to start the year, eh?
1. The first time I fell in love, I had the worse break-up. I was torn, obsessed, angered, insane. I forced myself to forget, and re-bounded many times, looking for that same feeling. I couldn’t find it, and in a moment of loneliness, he talked to me again. He wanted to see me, because he still loved me and knew I still loved him too. We saw each other, and he kissed me. It was different this time. Last time I had kissed him, I had FORCED him to kiss me, to see if I could win him back. Now this time I didn’t want to do anything he didn’t want to do, but he kissed me. He held me, wrapped his arms around my waist. He turned me to him, let me breathe into his neck and take him in through my nose. He showed me heaven, and he made me feel like I did those cold winter months that he and I were in love. That night, after parting….he told me he didn’t want me back. To forget him, to let go. “It doesn’t feel right”, was his explanation. I spent that week in tears, in agony. Crying him out of my thoughts, as if I was a towel drenched in misery’s water. I wrung it out. I let it out. I went to his house one afternoon. Stood in his porch until he came out. He grabbed me, said it would all be okay. Those brown cold eyes drifted to my lips as I sat there trembling and wanting him to shake me hard. I left that house without looking back.
2.A week later, his best friend talked to me. He had always wanted me, and was one of the reasons me and the other guy didn’t work out. Every time we were going to go out, something stood in the way. There was something shady about him, but in my optimistic I’m-finally-over-him state, I was ready to give him a chance. I opened up to him, I smiled tenderly when he looked my way. I asked him about his day, about his feelings, made him laugh. I laughed at all his jokes and ate lunch with him. I texted him and talked to him every day. He lead me on, saying I was beautiful, that he couldn’t believe that he was getting a chance. I went up to him and told him I had two questions. The first was whether or not he liked me. He looked at me and shook his head. “Uh.. I don’t know how to answer that.” and walked away. Apparently he had been talking to some other girls at the same time. Apparently they’re better than me. Apparently I opened up to him, finally giving in, for nothing.
3.That very night, I numbed out the rejection. I let it seep in through my skin and run through my veins one time before disappearing. I welcomed it in, like an old friend. Sighing and searching for a hint of sleep, I got on Facebook. One of my best friends was online. He did something I wasn’t expecting. When his words flashed across my screen, I got so excited, but confused. He said he liked me, that he wanted to see me alone next time. That he wanted to give us a shot. I had known him for a couple of years, and used to have a big crush on him before. Those feelings re-surfaced quickly in the midst of my tender-feelings. I was raw, and I was willing. We set up a time and place. The next day, he didn’t answer my texts or messages. The weekend came, and I stood waiting for him at our rendezvous. He never showed. It’s been two weeks, and he still hasn’t said anything. So he changed his mind? Fine, but he could’ve at least said something. I lost a good friend, thanks to his own stupidity.
4.I was defeated, I was done. I was ready to give up on guys for a while. That’s when he came about. He’s always been in my life. For a while, we hated each other. We hated each other because our relationship ended so bad. He helped me out of my depression, helped me come back alive. I was fresh out of the hospital when he kissed me for the first time. We had been good friends before that. I had met him in the middle of the woods, on a trail. He asked me for my number, and that night we stayed up texting for a long time. After that, he was always there when I was heartbroken, or when I was in need of help. He was my emotional dumpster, and I was his pretty accessory. There were days we met at our tree. We stayed there for hours, climbing it and talking. Listening to music and laughing. After our relationship, we never talked. He and I were awkward after that. I let him melt out of my thoughts, out of my life. Now he was back. He and I talked things out, and discovered old feelings. I’d always see him as my hero. He reached out a hand to me now, asking me to give him another chance. I thought it over as we met in the same park that one day, riding our bikes lighting fast. Two days later, in the middle of the night, I asked him to be with me again. He said we’d have to wait until Saturday, ‘till he could see me. Saturday came, but he didn’t. It’s Tuesday now, and I haven’t heard from him.
That’s why I need you. I know, you see me as emotional support at the moment… but we are getting closer and closer. You told me I helped you get over her, and I told you you helped me unload my crap. It’s a win-win situation, but I’m afraid. I’m scared that it will become more than just two people who are the solace to the other.
I read all of this, and I feel for you. Boys can be really stupid sometimes, but whatever you do, don’t mistake a good friend for possible love, especially after all of what you’ve been through. I know the temptation, to jump onto whatever comes your way next, but most of the time it’s the wrong idea.
Hope this helps.
Eh, nothing I’ve never heard before. Thanks though, I appreciate that you read it. I thought maybe somebody who’s feeling the same could read it and kindof say “Hey, I’ll be okay, right?”.
Good advice too, I don’t think I’m gonna try to get with anyone any time soon. Being a lone makes me feel empty, but that’s better than feeling depressed.
Of course you’ll be okay. If it’s not alright, it’s not the end.
Actually, I think a good friend is by far the best possible love (as long as love does exist, as long as you don’t hope it’ll just develop on the way)… Just make sure the switch from one to the other will be smooth, without one leaving the other behind or with rough edges that aren’t getting smoothed.
Good point. Wish it was that easy. Wish we could control who we love, when we love them, why we love them. And the works.
Would it still be so important if we could?
Boys do suck. You’ll be fine. Just trust yourself and your intuition. If someone seems shady to you, you’re probably right. You have to protect your heart and self esteem. You’re the only one who can.
Cavalary 6:52 pm on February 16, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
DAMN tall order. Still, if you’ll find him, better make really sure you won’t be the one hurting him in the end.
forget then 7:15 pm on February 16, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
Cavalary, not all girls are like that.
Most guys are really cold, and don’t let their emotions show. They expect us girls to take grunts and halfassed efforts as them really wanting to be with us, but in the end, if you don’t make an effort to show a girl that you love her, she stops believing you when you say it.
OneStepAway 7:28 pm on February 16, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
I might end up hurting him, that’s true. Anyone on this website is bound to have problems too big to be able to set them aside for whoever that special someone is. Sub-consciously, at least…we cannot put our problems aside. I only hope that by the time I find this guy, that is..if I do find him, I will be mature enough to not over-analyze every single thing he does.
Cavalary 6:09 am on February 17, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
Of course most are like that, but she was talking about a very specific kind of guy and I was remembering her saying on here that making someone else happy doesn’t matter one bit if you’re not happy yourself.
As for those problems, don’t set them aside, figure out a solution together. If you can muster the force to shove them aside together, great. If not, just pull each other through them, don’t let them separate you.
OneStepAway 2:06 pm on February 17, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
I like your thinking, my fellow cyber-solace-finder.
forget_me_not 5:29 am on February 18, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
They do exist, but they turn up in the oddest of places. Don’t try and find one; just be absolutely yourself and one will come to you. I know it’s sucky advice but it’s really all that goes into finding a good, stable relationship.
Don’t mistake the next guy you find for one of these though; that’s the worst mistake you can make, just make sure you’re sure and you’re not fooling yourself.