i don’t know why i just took a bottle of liquor from my parent’s bar. i can’t tell if i want to drink it and be drunk, or if i just want an excuse to be sad and irresponsible.
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rivergirl
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rivergirl
i thought about confessing what i’m feeling right now, but i rather just know this - what makes you get up every morning? what helps you deal with loss, whether it be of love or of life? what makes you turn away from giving up? i need an answer and i don’t know who to ask anymore.
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rivergirl
My ex called me this week. We hadn’t spoken for a couple of months, so I just let it go to voicemail. He said he loves me. And hopes I’m happy. I don’t know what to do. Especially because he’s been dating one of my friends for 2 years, and because I don’t know if he means it in a friend way or more of the other. But most importantly, I don’t know what to do because I don’t know if I still love him. And he lives 500 miles away. And I’ve been dating someone else for 6 months.
Should I call him and ask, or let if blow over? I wish I knew what to do. I wish I knew what I felt. -
rivergirl
I really miss you, and I don’t want to admit it. I saw you 14 hours ago but I can’t help myself.
Am I in love with you? Because I don’t want to be. It’s just scary.-
Girl
Ahhh… that’s how I feel about someone too. But I don’t know if I do or I don’t want to be in love with her. I saw her about 15 hours ago. I wonder when I’ll see her again.
Hopefully soon.
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Mara
It is scary. I wish all the rom-coms, and chick lit books, and magazine articles would tell you that instead of just “you’ll know when it’s love”. I wish you got some goddamn warning.
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rivergirl
Every time your name comes up on my phone, I want to take 10 shots and be drunk and miserable. Instead, I pick up the phone. I don’t know why.
I don’t even know why you call me. I broke your heart. And you broke mine when you started dating my best friend. You’re dumb and I hate you, but fuck, I don’t think I’m over you. Why can’t I just ask you why? -
rivergirl
Dear Reader,
What’s YOUR reason to live?
I need to find mine.-
vivaldee
I live for other people. I love people so much and I enjoy doing whatever I can possibly do to make their lives even a little bit better. When I help someone, what I want doesn’t matter. The feeling that someone’s life is better by the power of Christ working through me is all that matters.
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unknown
my reason to live is that there is too much to see before i die, to many things i want to do. and i at least want to feel love before i do. i wanna do all sorts of shit, travel see people make friends everywhere i can.
Rivergirl, can you not imagine doing any of these things?
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rivergirl
I suppose I can, but it’s all a matter of “how”. That’s when things get messy. I don’t know what should be put first - happiness or assurance.
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secondchancesx3
im not fully aware of my reason. although, i know i want to be with kids when im older. i want to have my own, and i want to help the lives of others. either be a teacher, special ed teacher, i would love to do research on kids with mental illnesses. id love to help child i can, anyway possible. they are my passion. thats for the future.
i also know i am alive right now for everyone that is in my life. for anyone who loves me. for anyone that cares about me. i know i stay alive for them. because i know if some of those people werent alive for me, i dont know what i would do.
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CrimsonTears
I wish I knew… I have spent 23 years living for others, but, after a while it gets tiring. It’s so hard to live for others because when I’m alone, I have no one and want to die. I have spiraled so deep into my eating disorder and self injury, i fear that if I try to live for myself, i’ll be dead in a day. I keep living out of guilt for the pain I would cause others if I left, unfortunately, the pain they would suffer collectively is carried by me every day.
That being said, I sincerely hope you find yours, and I will keep looking for mine.
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hugsalot
I need to find mine as well. I’m at a place in my life at the moment where I should be focused and I should have a clear idea in mind about what I want to do, but I’ve never felt more lost. I know some people my age that are now married or have just finished university degrees and what have I done? pretty much nothing. I’ve never felt comfortable enough to admit that in real life because I feel that no one that I personally know will understand.
It’s weird because I honestly don’t think I have a calling in life. I just take each day as it comes and I try to enjoy it. I like spending time with those few friends that I have and I also like doing things (shopping,movies,gigs etc) on my own. I probably sound like some loner chick and I guess you can say I am. I guess I’m just used to doing things by myself and keeping to myself so much it’s become “normal”.
Sorry for blabbing on so much. I hope you and everyone else above can figure their stuff out.
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disappearingink
At the moment I don’t know but I find myself living to learn about the world and people, which may sound dumb, I suppose. But honestly I enjoy it and its probably the only thing I’m good at. I think about everything I look at people and analyze their body language and faces and you just learn so much about people its great. I think a lot about everything and the infinite possibilities of life.
Its bad though because I despise school because its a bland box of nothingness. And the knowledge you gain there ultimately amounts to nothing.
Sorry for rambling. But I hope you find your way soon.
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purpletears
i don’t have on
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rivergirl
I hate that you’re so perfect for me. I hate it because no matter how great you are, I still can’t get someone else’s face out of my head.
When will his face go away? It’s been years.
I’m losing hope in committing myself to someone else. -
rivergirl
Want to know how many of my friends I can trust? Well, the answer is 0.
Maybe I need new friends, or maybe just lower standards.-
secondchancesx3
nah, im sure your standards are good. its hard to trust anyone these days. i know how you feel. i would say make new friends, because that never hurts. and just accept the fact that people are just hard to trust. it sucks but its true.
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raven
i feel exactly the same. everyone i know is selfish and full of Sht. even the ppl i thought knew me / and cared about me most in this world keep letting me down time and time again.
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stacky422
I felt this way for a long time in my life. I did need new friends and I have found very supportive ones that I trust and that are there for me time and again no matter how crazy the things I do or say are - hang in there!
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cptmorgan
You do not need lower standards. A bad friend is not a friend. Friends should be like lovers, unconditional care and desire to share the pleasures of life. Friends are formed from good times but MORE IMPORTANTLY, friends are formed from the bad times. My best friend has been there for me through my darkest hours, and he is the only person I could trust my most intimate secrets with. I agree with you - if your friends aren’t being friends, then you need new ones.
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HurricaneDrunk
lower standards won’t help…if anything you’ll just end up with a worse set of friends…
it depends on your reasons for not trusting them…i mean if they bitch about you or do specific things that make you know you can’t trust them…then maybe yeah they shouldn’t be your friends..
but if its just a general niggling feeling that you don’t wanna tell them your inner most thoughts…don’t worry ^_^i don’t truly trust any of my friends….but they are still each amazing friends.
and remember there are levels of trust…some friends i dont even trust not to tell me what happened in the latest episode of some tv show we watch..let alone anything important i want kept quiet xd
others i know will keep my secrets for me but bitch about me when im not there…
some friends i have i cant tell them how i really feel…but i know they;re loyal and will always defend me^_^
you can’t just get new friends though..you’ll find those you trust the most you won’t even know they’re you’re friends..they’re just always there when you need them…and you don’t quite remember when you met or why XD
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rivergirl
I just want to scream at some people. Not with words, just a loud yell.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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____AHA
Ha, i completely understand what you mean. its like for me, words wouldn’t explain anything. a simple scream would.
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rivergirl
I don’t know if I’m right to be frustrated. A little less than a year ago, my best friend decided to say yes to my ex one week after I told her I still loved him. I’m completely over that aspect now, but she still won’t talk to me in person, only on the Internet and only if he’s not around. She keeps saying that she wants things to be back to normal, and I try so hard for it to be so, but she still won’t return acts of kindness, or rather, any words. This isn’t a matter of being mad, but… should I just ditch this situation? I want to, but she’s rooming with 2 of my best friends (who think it’s absolutely RIDICULOUS that I let this bother me), and I don’t want to have to leave her out of things when I visit. We’re both leaving for college in 1 week and I don’t want things left unsaid.
I hope this makes sense.
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Remixer
It does make sense.
You have every right to be upset about it.
I suggest you openly tell your thoughts to your friend and see how she reacts.
I agree with your stance that your kindness not being responded to by your friend cannot continue.
I suggest you point out to her what she said and then what has happened.
If you believe she does not care about what you think or feel and has betrayed you as a friend, I suggest you remove her from your circle of friends.
Remixer
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Mara 2:57 pm on May 28, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
It varies. What makes me get up, is I can’t stay in bed. No matter how much I may want to.
I’ve never had much loss to deal with, but I generally don’t deal with it well. I dig at the problem, try and find out as much as I can. It rarely works.
And what keeps me from giving up is my friends. I don’t have much faith in family any more. So I put my faith in the people I choose to care about, and in the fact that the world keeps going. That as long as you keep going with it, there’s a chance things get better. And sometimes I let myself give up for a bit, just to remind myself what it’s like. To remind myself why I don’t want to do it.