i know i should leave him for what hes done to me and what hes doing to himself. but i dont know how. i have nowhere to go and no money to go there with. and even though hes broken my heart i really do still love him too. he is a good father and […]
Continue reading i know i should leave him for what hes d…
TryingToStartAnew
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TryingToStartAnew
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TryingToStartAnew
This is going to be kind of long; but i just have so much that needs to be said! im not exactally sure how to get everything out coherently but ill do my best not to confuse you. first some background information about me would be best i guess…. I am a 28 y.o. woman. […]
Continue reading This is going to be kind of long; but i …-
thallie
I am so, so sorry to hear about all of this.
My name is Thallie. I’m nineteen, and understand what it is to be an abused child. I was sexually abused when I was very small, and my stepfather left mum and I when I was twelve. My mother, literally, went insane and became an alcoholic, mentally and physically abusing me until I finally got out at eighteen. I can say, from the heart, that I feel for you and I am so, so sorry.
This is going to sound harsh, but I think you need to leave your husband. My mother found out that my stepfather had been cheating on her, too, and the only reason she stayed was because he was a good father to me. In the end, it didn’t matter; he left us on Christmas Eve, stealing my college fund to move out with. I can’t know if the same would be true for your husband or not — I can only speak from my own experiences. But, in my experience, men are not to be trusted. Especially not the cheating ones.
It is so hard; I know what I’m saying isn’t what you want to hear. But I can tell you from experience that your child will notice that you’re unhappy, even if you’re trying to hide it. Children are incredibly perceptive. Your husband can be just as good a father with joint custody as he is now. It’s awful to tear a family up, but think about your child: do you want them to have a happy one, or a depressed one? Get up, move away, start over. My mother didn’t meet my stepfather until I was seven and, you know what? Until then, she and I lived very happily, just she and I. Your child brings you joy. Cut out everything else and relish in that — the sun will cut through the clouds soon enough.
You deserve to be happy.
I feel for you so deeply. Truly, I extend every ounce of myself out to you. Friends haven’t proven to be trustworthy in your life, but all the same, I’d like to try to be your friend now. I care about you, and extend my love to strengthen you in this hard time. The world can be a terrible, horrible place, but it can be a beautiful one too. Don’t let people prevent you from seeing that beauty.
I hope to see you on here again. Please, keep me updated on what’s going on. I want to help you get through this in any way that I can.
All the best,
Thallie
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TryingToStartAnew
i feel so lost since the betrayal…
about 5 months ago i found out my so-called best friend and my husband had cheated on me together… i loved her more than a sister and i though he was my soulmate. ive cut her out of my life completely; but forgave my husband because we have a daughter together. he made many promises […]
Continue reading i feel so lost since the betrayal…-
Kitty
This is a tough one.
You need to talk to your best friend about what happened. Surely she must have an explination, but one im sure will never be good enough, but i think it would be easier for you if you knew why she did what she did. Also you shouldnt think you must forgive your husband because you have a daughter together. Doing that you could also make it a lot harder for yourself and your daughter. Do what you feel is right. Not what you think is right.
I hope everything turns out okay… http://adayinthelifeof-theshannon.blogspot.com/- Shannon ,x
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Desolate and Forlorn
first of all; shes absolutely not my best friend anymore. as ive said ive cut her from my life completely…
but in answer your suggestion as to getting an explination…. to start off she was an ex of his… and she said when i wasnt in the room he’d touch her and say things that she couldnt resist in the end. she says she’s sorrier for this than anything shes ever done to anyone before. she said she wished she had told me from the beginning. she says they did it 2ce and that hes cheated on me with others too…
he, of course, denies it happened more than once and that hes never done it with anyone else.
the thing is; i honestly dont know who to believe. if i think rationally about it; i think he’s lying… and that kills me!!! but he lies to me about lots of stupid shit; so why not this? i kind of wish i hadnt taken him back… but now i feel as though im stuck. i dont have anyone i can talk to which makes it harder. i dont know what to think or what to feel. even when i admit to myself it would probably be better to leave him(due to other faults of his) i just dont have the will to do it. i honestly dont have the means to do it either… no car no job no money noone to help me…… i just feel so lost… and i really do love him so much; yet at the same time cant stand to be near him. im just so damned confused about everything anymore!!!-
Kitty
About the whole loving him, but hating him at the same time… i know how that feels, and its a horrible situation to be in, i really do feel for you. I wouldn’t beleive either of them. If both of them could do that to you, how can you know to trust them?..
The Advice summed up;
Tell him, your giving him one final chance to be faithfull to you.
Tell him its his last chance, to prove to you hes trustworthy.
(i will pray for you)
You honestly dont deserve this at all. <3
And as for the friend…. if she truely was your friend in the fist place, she wouldnt even have thought about it. And wishing she had told you, isnt good enough because the damage is already done.
its up to you whether to try and sort things out with her or not. But to me, the main part of this is your marriage. not friendship.
good luck. E-mail if you want to talk.- Shannon
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Remixer 1:42 am on December 4, 2009 Permalink | Log in to Reply
There are women’s shelters you can seek refuge in.
For a child, it is much better for his/her development, if the parents around it are truly happy, not a fake family as the one you’re trying to keep up.
Remixer
Desolate and Forlorn 1:51 am on December 4, 2009 Permalink | Log in to Reply
theres no shelters around where i live and i really wouldnt want to take my daughter to one of those places anyways. its not like he beats us or anything. it just seems like i dont matter to him anymore…. not since he cheated on me with my socalled best friend 6 months ago. we fight about stupid things. im very depressed and he has a bad habit that is harmful to himself. it just seems everytime things are goin right for me my life gets flipped upside down and i get hurt again and again and again by those i care most about… i just dont understand it. i try to be a really good person and all i get in life is this endless circle of fleeting joys and overwhelming dispair in the long run! i just wish for once i could be truly happy and for it to last more than just mere moments!
Remixer 9:24 am on December 4, 2009 Permalink | Log in to Reply
Then you only have two choices:
1. Get proper couple counseling and attempt to better your communication with your partner.
2. Do nothing and destroy your mind in the long-run.
Remixer
secondchancesx3 2:15 am on December 4, 2009 Permalink | Log in to Reply
I second what Remixer said. Even if he doesnt physically hurt you.. I grew up with my parents fighting constantly. They never physically hurt each other. But my dad would constantly throw stuff and break stuff. My mom was always depressed. I would always accidently walk in on her crying her eyes out because she was depressed… I would have MUCH rathered my parents got divorced when I was younger, and seen them be happy, rather then seeing all of their fighting and their depression.
addictguy 7:01 am on December 4, 2009 Permalink | Log in to Reply
there are womans programs that can help. The deeper you get into your depression the more hopless things will feel so try to find one asap. Many are free. If you love him and he does love you, a couples program may help to sort things out to. Most men cheat because they are trying to find escape from somthing, Not that he doesn’t love you or that he wants to escape from you. Many people don’t understand this. If there is still love in the relationship his cheating really may not have anything to do with you or that you are not enough for him like many women may think after going through this. there are 12 step programs you both can attend seprately to help if you can not afford a therapist. Even if you just go it will help you mentally knowing you are not alone.
quiteabitch 9:05 pm on December 4, 2009 Permalink | Log in to Reply
my moms in the exact same position. But you know, I hate my dad because of what he does to her EVERY-SINGLE-DAY. I will NEVER forgive him. Id rather they be divorced and happy than the way they are rite now. And also, you got the rights. 50%. My mom wont get that and also hes her boss, so no. Anyway, I say go forward for happiness and your children will be happy and proud of you. Happiness; NOT MONEY. As a teenager, Id give up ANYTHING for my momto leave my dad.
Desolate and Forlorn 9:51 pm on December 4, 2009 Permalink | Log in to Reply
I know what I have to do. And today Ive decided its time to stop being the lazy ass I have been and make things happen. I want to do this I really do. I want to succeed; but I know its in my nature to give up on things that seem hard and Im afraid Im going to fail like I have at pretty much everything else in my life. I am going to try though. If I keep reminding myself everything Im doing Im doing for the better of my child; maybe I can actually stick to it!
quiteabitch 7:27 am on December 5, 2009 Permalink | Log in to Reply
Thats the way! Im so proud of you. You know if youre stuggleing were always here for you. It might not be much cause im just 13, but I can tell you how proud Id be of my mom if she did the same thing youll do. Dont give up! Go for happiness cause you only live once, and your child will understand and be proud of you, depends on what her age is one day shell be mature enough to understand what happened. I promise. Now go for it and you know were always here for you.