Why do you yell at me? Why are you always complaining about my untidyness? Why do you say I’m nasty when I tell a nut joke/ pun (everybody is, incluiding you)? Why do you say I can’t hug properly? I CAN hug properly! Just because I’m strong, it doesn’t mean I can’t hug poperly! Damn you! Did I do something wrong? Oh yeah, I remember now! Sorry for breathing!
Tagged: anger RSS
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nothing but me
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questionmark
People who do not work seem to have all the time in the world to chit chat with those of us who do work about mundane unimportant things.
Shut your freaking yap and get to the point already.
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carbonlifeform
That guy that i thought was so absolutely perfect for me… the one that seemed to be everything I wanted… we’re over. We did the long distance thing for almost 2 months before it ended, and everything he promised me wouldn’t happen, did. He told me he would do EVERYTHING in his power to make sure it worked between us and that the distance wouldn’t change a thing. After telling him I didn’t think it was a good idea for us to continue on, he BEGGED me to stick it out. To “trust him on this one.” Well, apparently going to school for 4 hours, 5 days a week takes up so much of your time that a ten minute phone call and a couple of texts are “too demanding.” I gave him everything, did everything for him. Often with very little thanks or appreciation. I held out in the hopes that things would go back to the way they were in the beginning. Hell,I didn’t even want to come back from my sabbatical in Florida because facing this place without him here just didn’t make any sense to me. “If you don’t come back, my life is over. That’s all I’m going to say.” Since when did I become that idiot girl that let a boy determine her life decisions? He told me “why can’t you just be quiet for the sake of keeping things pleasant?” afteI came to him with a concern. i should have known then that this 20 year old kid was too immature to handle an adult relationship. Granted, I’m only 23 but it’s obvious our life experiences and maturity levels are on completely different plains. And yet, knowing that I’m SO much better off without this guy, I love him more than anything and i find it impossible to focus on anything else. We broke up over text message. He refused to call me. Refused to speak in person. I went to his house 2 days ago to pick up something of mine. He handed it to me and walked back inside. He called me 15 minutes later “I’m really sorry I just walked away. I didn’t know who was in the car with you and it was awkward. Anyway, it was good seeing you.” I blew him off. The next day, an email “Hey, i just wanted to see how you’re doing. Hope all is well.” Honestly, I know he still loves me. Just days prior he had told me I was everything he ever wanted. And yet talking to me is too much of a hassle? When he told me that, i knew that was it. I broke it off, and when he agreed I was in shock. I gave this guy EVERYTHING and asked for so little and he couldn’t even give me that. “I just have too much going on.” What’s funny, sir, is I’ve spoken with your roommates and seen your twitter (not to mention I KNOW you) and all you’ve been doing is going to school and playing WoW. He came down to see me for Valentine’s Day and i had to BEG him to get off of WoW. What’s funny is ever since he started playing our relationship has gone tragically downhill. Why am I still pining for this immature little boy when I know I have every opportunity to find a man that would be more than happy to give me more than I deserve without the slightest complaint? Honestly, i don’t even want him back. I just want him to realize his mistake and want me back so I can walk away.
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Cr73
I am sick of being sick all the time. I am tired of waking up so that I may throw up and not drown. I am tired of having to watch everything I eat so I will not become more sick. I am fed up with Doctors that think they know more about what is happening with me then I do. I hate eating 30 something pills a day just so I can sleep all day and night. I am fed up with not having a job because I am to sick for someone to hire me but then I am told that I am to well not to work. It angers me to no end that this early in my life and I am already broke down and unable to do all the things I wanted to do when I was younger. What the hell.
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hugsalot
*hug*
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JOHNSGIRL
I miss you so much. I don’t understand what happened. One day everything is fine the next you won’t talk to me. OMG your 40 years old, we are not kids why are you acting like one? So I leave you a message and tell you fine, I will go away and leave you alone and I have done it. I ache without you. But the past two days your texting me one word, hey. WTF So I answer back with hey and then nothing. What is going on? Do you think you did no wrong and are waiting on me to call? I don’t get this at all. So today no text, no nothing. I miss our friendship, our long talks, hearing about what your doing during the day, the next day. Did it all mean nothing to you? We have known each other so long, I don’t understand. If there is a problem just call and say so damn it! I am a strong woman and refuse to call you like some weak little girl. You are the one who decided you didn’t want to talk one day out of the blue without a word. I have cried a thousand tears and my heart aches like it has been ripped into pieces. I gave you my heart and feel like you took it for granted and stomped it into the ground. I know our lives are complicated with other relationships but I don’t care. You are such an important part of my life…where are you…what are you thinking…
Please to God call me-
pd0815
It’s all out of the blue? Just from the information in this post i surmise he’s playing games with you. Don’t call… play the game if you want but if you do, games is all you will play forever.
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Canyoureadmymind
My heart is broken. But its not because of you. I would never give you that much credit. I broke my own heart isnt that what you would say? It was all my fault everything is all my fault. I could be hit by a car in a crosswalk and it would be my fault. Well that doesn’t change the fact that I’m hurt. Have you ever thought just once that I maybe admit everything is my fault in hopes that you’ll just fix me. Heal me? If I admit the pain is my fault there is no need to discuss it just get rid of it? Right? But no nothing is ever that easy. My life isn’t easy but you think it is.
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codedarmes
good
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Misunderstood
I have truly found out why to keep friends close but enemies closer. They people i once thought were friends are the probably the worst people I know. They use me for an emotional punching bag, degrading me constantly. They drag me to lower my morals forcing me to appear and almost be one of them. When I defend myself I’m a “whiny pussy” and when I don’t “too weak and kind.” The only people who still know and accept me are thier worst enemies and if I so much as give a compliment I’m conspiring. I can’t just leave them because they have blackmail against me and never drop a grudge. The most I can do for myself I isolate and distance myself as much as possible.
I feel trapped in an abyss. Can anyone help me?
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yellowroses
have you tried telling them?
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forget_me_not
I would leave them, then when they blackmail, just say they’re making it up to spite you. Make them out to be the immature ones that they would be if they stoop that low.
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LadyAdelaide
Sometimes I really wonder what it would like to be completely mediocre. No AP Classes, no Junior Olympics. Just to be a C student. Nobody would expect anything. I could just enjoy these years of my life while they lasted. I could play Guitar Hero after school instead of shorting myself sleep doing homework. I wouldn’t have to put up with the damned “You’re smart, you’ll figure it out.” Ohh, that just makes me mad. To think that because I ace my classes that automatically relieves me of being a human being. Oh, goody.
I’m not even that smart. I’m not like those crazy geniuses that turn everything they touch into gold. I just have the amount of insanity to work for hours on end. I come in prepared and I stay organized. I have no natural talent whatsoever, it’s all worked-for. And because of that, people think that I am somehow so stuck-up about being better than them. I’m not. I’m nothing better than anyone. I just try hard. Is that such a sin?
It’s not like I didn’t ask for it. I could have decided not to be a Valedictorian. I could have stopped at shooting local matches. I decided to aim for these high goals because I thought I could reach them. I’ve reached a lot of them. People resent me for that. Sometimes, I resent me for that. It’s not the achievement that I’m afraid of. It’s the pushing myself to perfection past the point that any sane individual would. Even as I type this now, I cannot imagine myeslf any other way. But I’m tired of not having any fun. I’m tired of the constant workload it takes to be the best in the world at everything there is to be. Because it’ll never happen no matter how hard I try.
When I don’t feel like I am living up to my expectations, I start feeling guilty to the point that I injure, just to push the thoughts away. It’s something that I’m terribly ashamed of, but I cannot help it somedays. Sure I could, so many people say, but they’re wrong. Sometimes I get so down about not being the person I want myself to be I start not thinking straight. And when I’m like that, these things happen. It’s absolutely disgusting and the very thought of that makes me want to do it more. It’s an endless circle.
I don’t know how to face God at this point. I’ve become such a mess these past years that I’m sure that He’s rather ashamed of me. I regret so many things, and I think of them every night before I go to bed, and sometimes they move me to tears. I can’t be perfect. But I want to live my life and fulfill my goals.
And I hate it when I feel this lonely and it’s late and I can’t sleep and nobody wants to hear about it. The very few people that I go to about this are tired of my constant nervousness. I’m never calm. I’m always worrying and they say that it makes for a bad atmosphere and I can’t help it. I’m just scared all of the time and there’s absolutely no reason at all why I should. I live in a safe town and I have a loving family. I’m so selfish for feeling this way. Selfish and disgusting. I deserve much less than I recieve. Some starving child could take my place and they would deserve what I reap.
I mentioned lonely but diverged. Honestly, I’m just spilling my mind right now without trying to make it pretty. I’m too tired to be pretty and it’s about time you all saw my without the makeup on. Whenever I’m with people, I feel like getting away and being all by myself. When I’m alone, I feel isolated and all I want is to be with other people. I’m never happy and I hate it. I should be happy and I’m not.
I used to be happy when my parents would watch me. I loved the attention. I’d think, Mom come over and watch me make a light-bright picture. Look at all the colors mom. Look at when I plug it in. Look mommy. Now, I hate being watched. I can’t stand it. I get paranoid and think that they’re on to all of my secrets. Somebody is going to find out that I’m just some disturbed little overachiever that’s trying for attention. I’m not trying for attention. I don’t want attention. I just want these feelings of constant fear and sadness to go away.
I don’t want medicine, I don’t want therapy. There’s nothing wrong with me, I’m just wrong. And I want the whole world do know that because it angers me so, otherwise.
Well, I could start by not yelling at the internet.
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AsKnownAs.
I think you’re afraid of what people think of you, LadyAdelaide.
Personally, I can see that you’re the type that goes for what they want, and the only way in doing that is to put in effort and actually try. You work hard, and you get the results, people are just subconsciously envious that they can’t commit and apply themselves like you do.
They don’t know how much it hurts you when they resent you. You should never resent yourself for trying. You are a very studious-type of person and I can see that you are very intelligent. There is nothing wrong with being those things, there is nothing wrong with who you are and the way you approach life. What is wrong is what people think of you, and in turn, what you think of yourself because of them.
You want to be average just so you can be ‘accepted’, you don’t want to be stereotyped as’ the one who always gets everything right and has a simple life because of it’.
You aren’t content with your life, only because you have all of these thoughts going through your mind.
And how dare people say to you, ‘You’re smart, you’ll figure it out.’
But perhaps because you commit yourself to the extent in which you have, maybe they think that your existence is only based around study and homework and assignments. They don’t see the deeper side of you because you don’t let them. Do you get what I mean?
Maybe this is a sign that you need to be kind to yourself and live a little. I think you need to learn to find a balance. You said you wished you could play Guitar Hero after school rather than immerse yourself into the work? Well, on occasion, why don’t you do that? Set up a routine for yourself, give yourself enough time to study, get enough sleep, but always, always, ALWAYS, make time for You. I can imagine why you are so close to losing it at these people, because you have surrounded yourself by work.
You’re human, and so naturally, you want to have leisure time, but you are restricting yourself from it. Who the hell prefers study to socialising with friends? There are rare times when I have preferred to sit and do homework or maybe write out a mock essay, than to hang out with my friends.
What it boils down to, is if you are not willing to change your study pattern, you need to thicken your skin and let all possible insults and resentment from fellow students bounce right off of you. Especially your resentment toward yourself.
But you need to learn to relax, and do something that isn’t work related. You don’t want to suffer consequences, please don’t harm yourself. You’re worth too much to do something like that.
I’m sure if these people who send negative energy in your direction saw this side of you, they would be very, very shocked. Namely because they think you only do things work-related. Clearly they are naive and are very, very wrong.
If you want to help this situation, you’ve got to help yourself. Don’t be ashamed of your intelligence and your persistence. Don’t hate yourself, because people want to be successful like you, don’t overwork your mind because you need - I will repeat this one more time - balance.
I hope I was of some help to you, I really wanted to get my point across.
Take care and all the best.
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AsKnownAs.
I don’t know if my comment has come through, but luckily I have saved it, and will send it through later.
The very best.
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Chemistry
I used to be like that.. One of my teachers always called herself a recovering perfectionist. In a way, I think I sort of am, but I just feel like I went downhill. I used to strive for perfect grades, perfect resume, blahblah. Then I fell into depression and just stopped, but not enough that my grades totally slipped. I slept in class, but I still did enough work to get me A’s and the occasional B’s. The first B stung, and then I just got used to it. My class rank dropped, and by graduation, I started to regret it. Anyway, I know I’m probably rambling, but yeah… Now I’m sort of back to my former self, and I get anxious just thinking about getting anything lower than a high A on an exam. I was even disappointed by a 95. I feel silly, but it just makes me nervous to mess up or make a mistake.
But it’s good that you are working hard, and it will all come back to you one day. Don’t push yourself too hard, though. Life is short, and you only live once. You’re only young once. Skip out on homework once in a while if it’s cutting your life away. I know I shouldn’t be giving advice like that. Sorry, I’m babbling and my thoughts are all scattered. (I’m sleep-deprived but I can’t fall asleep.)
I feel lonely, too, but maybe for different reasons. It’s weird, because I’m in the same conundrum that you mentioned. When I’m around other people, I just want to be alone. When people invite me to places, I don’t want to go. And then when I’m sitting at home alone, I wish I had somebody. Anybody. And it’s like, well, who got yourself into that position? I wish I knew how to fix it.
I’m sorry I didn’t offer any wise words or anything of that sort. I guess I just wanted to connect because I related a little.
Keep your chin up. There’s nothing wrong with you, and I’m sure you’ll be amazing one day.
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Misunderstood
Hey, I totally feel you. I’m still in high school. Not valedictorian material, but liek 10th in my class. When get a B+ my “friends” are like “OMG! Its not an A! Thats not good enough for you is it” Sometimes they’ll ask me how to do something and I don’t know how they ‘ll say “bull s***.” Then I do JROTC as a leader and my follwers expect me to never make a mistake or lose my temper. And martial arts, if I forget training at home for just a few days I get in trouble. All my relatives expect my to be morally perfect. It’s horrible. Sounds like you have it worse, but I thought you should know you’re not alone.
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LadyAdelaide
I really appreciate the understanding comments. Thanks a bunch. ^.^
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capitolp
I feel like I need to mention a couple more things so that I can acknowledge them as issues. I’ll make them quick.
First thing, I heard my fiance and her brother talking in the next room while I was (supposedly) asleep. He proceeded to criticize me about things, especially things I have no control of. My fiance defended me every step of the way, but she didn’t get mad at him for plain-face “talking shit” about me. This scares me since I’ll be marrying into this family soon and this is only the first time I’ve caught one of my future in-laws doing this. I feel like everyone else except my fiance in that family hates me.
Also, I hate my lack of motivation to get things done on time, which was one of the things her brother complained about me. Makes me feel even worse about it. It’s not that I don’t want to get things done, I just feel like I can’t do them or I’m going to fuck up hardcore trying. I guess it’s a fear-based thing. thanks for reading.
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immortally.alive
OK. I admit it. I’m FUCKING insane. I want to hurt people, i want sex all the time, sometimes i punch myself in the arms to see bruises the next day. I Have been eating nothing. I’ve been drinking redbulls, and alcohol, and smoking cigarettes for 5 days now. i’m hypoglycemic, so they all get me high. I hope this sickness takes my fucking life. my heart should just stop beating.
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its.cold.inside11
oh no. ohnoohno. go for a bike ride and eat a salad. you can be okay. i promise.
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immortally.alive
I’m IN FUCKING LOVE, with someone who wont love me back, who is fighting his feelings because he’s so FUCKING shallow, because i’m a little bit thick, fuck you. i’ve wasted money on U, n time, n i put my whole fucking heart into this, only to find out u were using me as a crutch because some BITCH probably dumped u n i’m always there to clean up other BITCHES messes, and to hold u and love on u n tell u i dig U, after she hurt you.. get over ur fuckin “mommy syndrome” bullshit and grow the fuck up… boo fuckin hoo.. what the fuck am I a FUCKING band-aid?
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Remixer
I believe immortally.alive has much deeper-rooted issues she would be best off first solving.
Her head isn’t working right as it stands.
Remixer
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Remixer
Probably.
Remixer
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immortally.alive
LoL My head is my head, probably better than ur head! just cause i wont fall victim to some worthless piece of shits games. and im not that fat, i get hit on daily by men who are quite attractive, n this one, it was his personality that got me… he’s the dissappointment not me..
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secondchancesx3
Really? Theres no problem with being thicker. Why does everyone need to be skinny little poles? They don’t. As long as your healthy, it shouldnt matter your damn size. Gah.
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camomile
I agree size is not everything health is,and health is very important and physicall attractivness and beauty is not everything and it doesnt promise you luck and happiness in love ,it all depends who is your partner and how he treats you and are you really happy with him.I dont beleive everyone can be 100% happy in a relationship couse we all have our faults and we have to work on relationship.Its hard,I dont want to go through it especially for some jerk who is not willing to work on a relationship ,who is running when you get angry who doesnt act as an responsible( respectfull) person, who is mummies boy and who is selfish and makes you feel like its you ,it is all you and he has nothing to change.I hate users and abusers and cheaters too.i dont want to be the one only giving there must be 50%-50% or other wise goodbye I am not going to waist my time we all have a life and right to be happy adn respected and if he is not happy with that too badddddddddd.
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thallie
Dear Starshine,
You’ve not called me in I can’t remember how long. Not even when Jimmy died — all you could do was text me with “I’m sorry”. It’s always IM with you now — skype for a few minutes once every few weeks, if I’m lucky. I remember when we used to count down the minutes until we could speak again. We’d talk every night for hours, until we both began to doze off on the phone. You’d hum me to sleep, a lullaby of your own invention, just for me, and I would call to wake you up the next morning. You always told me how much you loved having my voice as the first thing you heard in the morning. It was then that I knew I never wanted to be loved by anyone but you. Those days, those years, were so precious to me. I still hold onto them, a true thing that seems more like a fairy tale nowadays.
Now, it’s a fight to get you to talk to me. No matter what I do, you never want to — unless it benefits you somehow, like letting off steam when no one else will listen, or when you want me to do something for you, like editing your paper today. I think it’s the not talking to me that hurts more than anything else… You lied to me just now, I think. Even if you didn’t… The old you would have texted me if the internet cut out, to let me know, rather that letting me think you’d just gotten off, forgetting I existed — again.
I love you so, so much. Maybe I’m naive when I say this, but I don’t believe I could ever love anyone as much as I love you. I’d tear the universe apart, atom by atom, if it meant keeping you safe. I’d pull a star out of the sky for you just to see you smile, starshine. I don’t hesitate in saying that I’d die for you. I love you with every bit of my being. To use the words of Owl City — if my heart was a compass, you’d be North. And, honestly, I think you know that. I think you know that you will never find anyone who loves you half as much as I do. Maybe that’s why you’re doing this. You know I won’t leave, because I love you too damn much. It sucks. I wish I didn’t, sometimes.
I’m so unhappy. I was getting better, finally, with you finally acknowledging my existence for more than five minutes again. But between you choosing them over me, again, and my mother… I’m back at the bottom again and I don’t know if I even want to bother climbing up again. It’s not worth the struggle anymore. It’s not worth getting that taste of happiness, feeling the sun on my face, only to slide back down again and sit there, miserable and alone, in the dark. I’m so sick of it all. I’m so sick of feeling sad, and crying over you. And I’m even sicker of having to smile and pretend like I’m fine, for you and everyone else. Because if I say a word about how unhappy I am, you immediately freak out and start crying and make it about you, and all I can do is sit there and console you. I hate making you upset — even if you deserve it.
I miss talking to you.
In the end, I know all I will do is sit here and piss and moan to a bunch of people on the internet, because they’re the only ones in the entire stupid world that listen to me. Hell. Even they don’t care sometimes. I won’t break up with you. People will tell me to, after reading this. They’ll tell me that I’m going to keep getting hurt and blah, blah, blah. But, honestly? Having you hurt me is better than not having you at all. At least having you, I have your family, too. They love me. Keeping you, I have some hope of you loving me like you used to. And with you, I’m not alone with my mother.
So. Here I am, stuck. I don’t know what I’m expecting, really. A miracle, perhaps. For you to realize, “oh, fuck, I might actually be hurting her, oh, fuck, that’s bad.” For you to give a shit about someone other than yourself. You asked what I wanted for Christmas the other day. I want you. I want you back. You’re the one bright patch in the hideous montage that has been my life, and I want it back. Maybe that’s stupid, or selfish, or something. Maybe I’m needy. I don’t know. I don’t care.
I just want it all to end.
-Thallie
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ShastaKey
I just got out of a relationship that was kind of like this. I was hurt, I was used, I was taken for granted. I couldn’t talk about it, either, because it’d upset her and I’d have to console her. Just like you.
And it killed me. Every day, it killed me. Because, God, I loved her so much. Loved her with everything I was. I wanted to keep her forever.
I’m not going to tell you to break it off. I know it’s not going to work. If you do break it off, it’ll be because you’ve had enough, not because anyone told you so. Especially some nobody on the internet.
I’m going to tell you that you deserve better, that you shouldn’t be hurt like you are. Because that’s true. I’m also gonna do my best to keep listening to you. I’ve been where you are, and it’s just about the worst.
Stay strong. You’re worth it, even if nobody else seems to think so.
Godspeed, Thallie.
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AsKnownAs.
Thallie.
I always care. But it seems that what I told you was something you didn’t want to acknowledge because you care about this person so much.
Sorry if I upset you, it wasn’t my intention. I know you are speaking generally so I’m not targetting only myself.
Whatever decision you make in life, its what is meant to be, or at least meant to happen.
I hope this person comes to realise how their actions have hurt you.
And if they don’t, I hope they keep you happy anyway.
All the best, from the bottom of my heart Thallie,
Daniela.
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thallie
Sorry, Daniela. I wasn’t trying to attack you. I’m just very frustrated with him tonight. Everything is just sort of snowballing from stress and all that. Know that I always take what you say to heart, and I know that you care about me (: I’m sorry if it seemed like I was attacking you. You’re not the only person who has pointed out that a pattern is forming lately, and I’ve been considering my options (or non-options, really) and… bleh.
I mostly just needed to let it out, I think. And GroupHug just happens to be the best place to do that.
Internet hugs for you, Daniela. You are an amazing friend (:
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thallie
p.s. also posting here sometimes makes me angrier/braver and actually get off my ass and do something.
Like fuss at him.
Which is what I’m doing right now.
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ShastaKey
Power to you.
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thallie
I am Thallie. Hear me roar.
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florantine
One of the hardest things to accept is change. Relationships change—they have high points and low points. When we romanticize the high points when the high points were all in the past, this could be a problem. There is hope, as long as you keep enough of that in your pocket, you can get through what could potentially be a low point. Remember, though, hope is not sustenance. You can not survive an entire relationship on hope. You just have to gain the eyesight to spot the point that’s past too late. After hoping long enough with no positive change. You know, there is fighting, too. Some of us try to fight change through denial or ignoring it.
I’m not sure how much sense I’m making. I hope I am making sense.
Oh, your writing is beautiful. It’s on-key, you know— If you were a singer trying to find the right pitch and hit the right notes to express your love for Starshine and your dejection, too. Yeah, your writing hits all the right notes.
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Chemistry
I know I’m a little late with the response, but I do agree that the writing is beautiful and I feel like I can completely relate.
I miss when he used to talk to me because he wanted to; because he said he his day wasn’t complete without having at least one legit conversation with me. Now, it’s kind of like he just talks to me because he needs someone; he just feels lonely. Blaaah.
I think ShastaKey is absolutely right. You DO deserve better. Nobody deserves to be in such pain. But you will eventually become strong enough to realize that there is better out there for you, or the idiot boy will realize that he should treat you better.
I hope it’s the latter. Keep us updated ♥
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scp
i think i hate my mom. i know, i know, i’m supposed to love her, and i’m trying hard right now but I’m tired of it.
I’m tired of striving for her approval and never getting it. I want to give up. I’m tired of her being a bitch to me when I’m trying so hard. Why does she even deserve it? Being around her just makes me feel like a failure.-
thallie
I understand this. Believe me, I do. There are a billion times a day where I think how easy it would be to just stop speaking to her and never look back. But someone on here told me something, and it’s really stuck with me:
Oftentimes, the people who deserve our love the least need it the most.
I know it’s hard, but she is your mother. I didn’t speak to mine for three months last summer. I moved to another state in that time. And, honestly? As much as I hate her, and as much as I hate all that she’s done to me and, I know, will continue to do to me, it really sucked to not talk to her.
I wish there was something I could say to make it better, but there isn’t. Just try to grin and bear it. It’s all you can do, really.
I wish you the very, very best.
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resolve
I’m not sure where you get off thinking that you can talk to me like you do and then not expect me to get upset with you for it. Of course I won’t stick up for myself because it’s not worth the fight and I know that by now, but still. It doesn’t make my pride anymore fun to swallow.
Also, if I ever dyed your hair as badly as you dyed mine last night, I wouldn’t be surprised if you freaked out and couldn’t talk to me for weeks. You take yourself too seriously. I can laugh it off and accept that you didn’t do it on purpose, but you take everything so damn seriously.
You’re so hypocritical, too. How can you bitch at me for offering advice to someone about something I know a hell of a lot about and then go and do the same thing to everyone else about everything all the time? I’m trying to help someone take good care of their animals, and half the time, you’re just bitching about how much everyone besides you sucks at photography or will never have a car as nice as yours or your boyfriend’s.
It’s sad. Because you’re my best friend by default. If you weren’t, then I don’t think I’d want to be your friend most of the time. Ten years of friendship is hard to shrug off.
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thallie
Dear Mum,
It is incredibly hard to feel love for you when you have done nothing but hurt me since the ripe old age of twelve. Calling me once this afternoon before yelling at me via email about what a horrible daughter and person I am for not returning said call does not make me feel guilty — I pisses me off and makes me want to cut off all ties with you. Again.
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102030405
Maybe you should try telling her this. Who knows, maybe she really doesn’t realize the extent of how she’s made you feel.
My parents are not the listening type, but one day I sat them down and told them all the ways they’ve been screwing up their relationships with me since I was young. And they tried to change.
Sure, they went back to how they were before, mostly. But I think I’ll just have to remind them…
I don’t know you or your mother, but it could work. I didn’t think it would, but it helped.
Good luck, though, with whatever you try.
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thallie
I may try.
My mum and I have had issues for a long time, to the point that I moved to another state and didn’t speak to her for about three months last year. I told her why, and we made up and everything was peachy for a while. And then she tried to commit suicide, and cited me as the reason. So now she’s back to making me miserable, but I’m scared to actually yell at her for fear she’ll try to kill herself again.
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102030405
Maybe just try and catch her on at a good time or a time where she’s in a better mood then usual. And just try to talk but in a respectful way, try not to yell or raise your voice. In the end maybe make it clear to her that you love her and you’re not trying to guilt her, just that this is how she makes you feel sometimes (maybe unintentionally) and ask her to please watch how she speaks to you.
If she tries to, it’s not your fault. You should not feel as though you have to sacrifice your happiness for her, instead just try to find common ground.
It’s a tough situation, especially because of the pressure you’re feeling because of her suicide attempt. I honestly can’t relate to that since I’ve never had anybody I know try to do that, but I’d imagine this could help — maybe.
Whatever you do, I hope you find a way to be happy. :-\
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oxymoronish
Is it wrong to be pissed when you make some art for someone in a contest, and they barely acknowledge it? It happened. No thank you.
And when I finished an art commission for another person and sent them a message, they never replied. And I don’t know if I even got my payment. Ugh.-
Group.Huggies
Maybe they thought your work sucked.
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unknown
wasn’t very nice that Group.Huggies
and oxymoronish, thats an awful thing to happen, what would you say you can learn from this experience though? -
oxymoronish
Heh
Well I’ve lost trust in most people I make commissions to now. -
CurrerBell
No, it’s certainly not wrong to feel that way.
Is it possible for you to take half the payment before making the artwork? You know, like a bond for an apartment? I don’t actually know what a bond is, but I hear it a lot. You know how you pay four weeks’ rent before you actually move into a place, just as a means of insuring your stay and ability to pay?
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oxymoronish
Ohh o.o Never though of that
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adamv2.0
Here’s what I don’t get. YOU introduced me to this girl. And now because you both have some huge falling out, everyone that knows her is under suspicion and their loyalty is in question? I’ve been a loyal friend to you since the beginning, and yet I’ve been on the chopping block more than once since we’ve met. What reason could you possibly have for suspecting me of conspiring anything behind anyone’s back? You want to get her out of your life? Stop mentioning her name ten times in a five minute conversation. You want to be mad at her? Fine, she deserves that. You want to dwell on it? Go for it. But you’re obsessing. When it gets to the point where you’re letting it affect your thoughts and actions; When you’re letting it pull you away from the people that have been there for you because suddenly ‘no one is trusted’, that isn’t her. It’s you.
So here’s my advice. Either kill her, fuck her and get it over with, or forget she ever existed and just move on with your life. You and me were kindred spirits as far as friendship went, and now your paranoia has finally gotten me to the point where I don’t want to be around you, answer your calls, or even read your e-mails. For fuck’s sake, step back from the situation and see that it isn’t her that’s ruining your life right now, it’s you. Pony up, see a shrink, or at least talk to SOME of us about what’s really bothering you. Because until you do, you’re free time is going to be pretty fucking lonely.
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bornwrong
Ever since I was little, I never cared about my appearance. I was born with horrendous teeth, one sticking out and the others mashed together in a hodge podge all over the place- to make it worse, I had a dentist tell me it was the worst case he had seen. That hurts when you are little.
Years go by, I build up an immunity and stop caring. Until Halloween rolls around.
I work in a very big convenience store- all the employees were allowed to dress up! I was so excited! I spent two hours before work dressing up like a zombie, tearing up a set of work clothes as a joke, splattering them with fake blood- the whole nine yards.
I get to work, it was going great, until two hours into a 10 hour shift I hear the phrase “Wow, those teeth look so real!” It hurt so bad. So very deep.
Now I realize I’ve been lying to myself this whole time. I hate how I look, and I hate that my Fiance has to look at it everyday. Sometimes I wonder if he just stays with me because I am his first.
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Dan-Yella
Crooked teeth shouldn’t matter. Anyone who judges you about your teeth or any other flaw you may have, are superficial and are just trying to make themselves feel better.
My ex had a black front tooth. Do you think I cared?
Look beyond these things. Your Fiance clearly does!
Daniela
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bornwrong
The sad part was it wasn’t intended as an insult. The customer that said it to me was trying to compliment the execution of the outfit.
If it had been an insult, I could have glazed it over, rolled it off my back and gone on. But it was the honesty and the sincerity which the customer thought were fake teeth that hurt so much.
No, looks shouldn’t matter- but everyone has something about themselves they wish they could change, alter, or even do away with.
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thallie
I have never seen you, but from this post, I think that you are beautiful (:
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manb91uk
I’m full of a rage and anger that I’m finding harder and harder to displace and escape. It’s like there’s a second person inside of me and all he wants to do is spread vermin and hurt and kill people. I do not know where this rage comes from but even when I’m in the calmest place possible or at the height of relaxation or happiness I feel the need to attack someone.
I hate and fear this rage inside me, I feel that one day it’ll break the barriers I’ve spent the last 3-6 years building up around them. And no-one, no-one I know or will meet or come into contact with will be safe from it. I’m the kind of person that if I ever succumb to the nastiness that seems to have enveloped my good kind soul, I’ll destroy everything in my path until there’s nothing left of the old me.
Carrying so much poison around inside me is like having a constant stomach ache, you cannot escape from it, it is always there, building and building becoming more venomous with every single day I’m still alive. I know that if it ever gets out, I won’t be able to control it and I WILL end up killing someone, maybe many people. I do have a deep urge to kill…
People tell me I’m a good person, but I know deep down I have this animal nature and one day I’m sure it’ll find some way of breaking out. Evil always does.
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ridingthebullet
I feel so much the same way. I fear there’s something to me that I don’t know whether or not to befriend.
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manb91uk
It’s just hard because I know I want to help people and try to make the world better - but then there’s a a savage part of me that wants to kill and destroy everything I touch - I don’t know which is my true nature
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alai
I’m making up excuses to be out of my house. It’s been a month since he moved in and I can’t stand my boyfriend’s messyness and such. I really feel like I NEED to be home alone for a while. I don’t even feel like having sex with him at all.
pd0815 6:26 am on March 8, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
Ok. this guy isn’t the one with the problem. you are. I know WoW players. I’m one myself. one relationship ended because of it but the answer is to find a girl who absolutely doesn’t mind it or plays it herself. First I found a girl ingame and we had a long distance thing going on. then I found a local girl that plays it and we play together. I’m really sick of people blaming the fucking game for their problems. Yea it can be consuming but so can relationships.