That guy that i thought was so absolutely perfect for me… the one that seemed to be everything I wanted… we’re over. We did the long distance thing for almost 2 months before it ended, and everything he promised me wouldn’t happen, did. He told me he would do EVERYTHING in his power to make sure it worked between us and that the distance wouldn’t change a thing. After telling him I didn’t think it was a good idea for us to continue on, he BEGGED me to stick it out. To “trust him on this one.” Well, apparently going to school for 4 hours, 5 days a week takes up so much of your time that a ten minute phone call and a couple of texts are “too demanding.” I gave him everything, did everything for him. Often with very little thanks or appreciation. I held out in the hopes that things would go back to the way they were in the beginning. Hell,I didn’t even want to come back from my sabbatical in Florida because facing this place without him here just didn’t make any sense to me. “If you don’t come back, my life is over. That’s all I’m going to say.” Since when did I become that idiot girl that let a boy determine her life decisions? He told me “why can’t you just be quiet for the sake of keeping things pleasant?” afteI came to him with a concern. i should have known then that this 20 year old kid was too immature to handle an adult relationship. Granted, I’m only 23 but it’s obvious our life experiences and maturity levels are on completely different plains. And yet, knowing that I’m SO much better off without this guy, I love him more than anything and i find it impossible to focus on anything else. We broke up over text message. He refused to call me. Refused to speak in person. I went to his house 2 days ago to pick up something of mine. He handed it to me and walked back inside. He called me 15 minutes later “I’m really sorry I just walked away. I didn’t know who was in the car with you and it was awkward. Anyway, it was good seeing you.” I blew him off. The next day, an email “Hey, i just wanted to see how you’re doing. Hope all is well.” Honestly, I know he still loves me. Just days prior he had told me I was everything he ever wanted. And yet talking to me is too much of a hassle? When he told me that, i knew that was it. I broke it off, and when he agreed I was in shock. I gave this guy EVERYTHING and asked for so little and he couldn’t even give me that. “I just have too much going on.” What’s funny, sir, is I’ve spoken with your roommates and seen your twitter (not to mention I KNOW you) and all you’ve been doing is going to school and playing WoW. He came down to see me for Valentine’s Day and i had to BEG him to get off of WoW. What’s funny is ever since he started playing our relationship has gone tragically downhill. Why am I still pining for this immature little boy when I know I have every opportunity to find a man that would be more than happy to give me more than I deserve without the slightest complaint? Honestly, i don’t even want him back. I just want him to realize his mistake and want me back so I can walk away.
Tagged: break ups RSS
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carbonlifeform
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A-nony-mous
I just took an STD panel for the first time and I’m scared. I’m 22 and I am terrified that I’ll test positive for something…
After my long-time boyfriend broke up with me in April, I was devastated.
I loved him. So. Much. I began sleeping around in an attempt to gain some traction as my life slid down the drain. I cried. A lot.I started counting. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. To some, that may not seem like a lot…but, before I had only slept with one other man. What happened? Seven men in ten months. The number, however, is not what is bothersome. However, the fact that I slept with several of them without protection, is. How could I be so stupid? How could I compromise myself in such a fundamental way?
Eventually the sadness was gone. I stopped crying. The sadness became apathy. The apathy became coupled with bitterness. I thought about suicide. I kept sleeping around.
Every day I struggled. School, work, drink, sleep, school, work, drink, sleep. I spiraled into alcoholism. I didn’t care. I slept with my best friend while he was dating someone else. I didn’t care.
I. Just. Didn’t. Care.
But, recently, I have to admit, I felt something…
A guy I met recently asked me out. We went out on a real date. Dinner, holding hands, everything. A real date. At the end of it we kissed, that was it. No sex. It was refreshing. But, it was also incredibly frightening. He asked me out again. He made dinner, we watched a movie. No sex. Date three, snowed in weekend – we did it. Sex, I mean. It was fantastic.
…Afterwards, he suggested that we get tested. Together. Smiling the slow lazy smile of a woman basking in the afterglow I agreed. But, inside I felt cold reality seeping through the cracks.
What else could I do? Run? No.
I realized as much as holding hands and going on real dates makes me neurotic/anxious/paranoid – I like it. Regardless of how it ends, or, even if it doesn’t. It is good.
So, I went. I got the tests. Regardless of how they turn out, I’ll know. I can stop running from my mistakes and face my them head on.
I get the results this week…Wish me luck.
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whatsleftofme
goodluck! It really sounds like you are taking a turn for the better.
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mojonano
Good luck. I probably need to be tested, too.
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Cavalary
Good luck. Maybe you’ll get back on a good path… And hopefully he’ll stay with you on it.
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badgirlblondie
I think you’re brave for facing something you’re so afraid of. And also that you’re strong, because not only are you empowering yourself after being through such a difficult ordeal, you’re learning, growing, allowing someone into your life because they make you happy through the positive qualities they bring to your relationship. For better or worse, you’re learning a valuable lesson, finding joy, and moving on. All these things are the start or something very very good. You should be proud of yourself, and best, best, best of luck. I hope it all turns out okay.
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jinjunjun
I think I need to change who I am, but I though I had changed so much already. I am just not there yet. I haven’t changed at all. Why am I such a cunt? What I did yesterday was so, so,so wrong and selfish and vindictive. I am sorry, man. I just can’t help the resentment I feel towards you for well EVERYTHING, you things it’s just about what you said behind my back? It’s not you never treated me well. You pestered me to make out with you, you whined until I would hold your hand. You said really weird stuff about me to my friends. You yelled at me for things I am not responsible for. You wouldn’t even stop when I was in tears. You always take, take, take and I just couldn’t take it anymore. But it’s me who should have ended it ages ago, I let it continue because I was afraid of, well I don’t know…it’s hard to hurt someones feelings. Why can’t I ever stop feeling guilty for all the mistakes I made? Even if I say to people “I know I made mistakes” I feel like I just want to hear ” we all did”. But there is a part of me that wants some kind of comeuppance, some kind of consequence. But most of my shit goes unchallenged. I made you go through hell yesterday and yes it was unfair, because I called you out for shit I did as well. Even so much as the day before. But, I didn’t mean what I said. I tried to please you again. And I don’t get why. Sometimes I wonder if I am the drama queen. Maybe I get bored when things go well. I need to figure this out.I am so sorry, I am so depressed. Everything is shit right now.
pd0815 6:26 am on March 8, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
Ok. this guy isn’t the one with the problem. you are. I know WoW players. I’m one myself. one relationship ended because of it but the answer is to find a girl who absolutely doesn’t mind it or plays it herself. First I found a girl ingame and we had a long distance thing going on. then I found a local girl that plays it and we play together. I’m really sick of people blaming the fucking game for their problems. Yea it can be consuming but so can relationships.