Does anyone have the same condition? Here are the symptoms: When you see people who makes you feel uncomfortable…Or from past experiences, you know are potentially going to make you feel uncomfy just be existing near you, you froze up and try to avoid all eye-contact and interactions with the people. Instead, because you need to […]
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I would write poetry or say something beautiful, really, I would. I’d wear a dress and makeup and a pound of jewlery. Truly. But I don’t feel like beautiful today. I don’t feel like flaunting today. I feel like being me, and I feel like thinking. I’m too afraid to worry, too afraid to be […]
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Please know that I love you. You mean more to me than anything in the world, more than life itself. You are the reason I’m still alive. I’d die for you, I’d do anything for you. You make me happier than I’ve been in years. I want you to know that my bouts of depression […]
Continue reading Please know that I love you. You mean mo…
Of all the things I am afraid of, I am most afraid of failing.
I was raised as an achiever; my parents pushed me to be the best - there were no doors that would not open for me, were I to pull them.
They instilled in me a constant need to best myself until in an inertial manner I have surpassed all others in whatever mattered to me most.
I thought, as a child, that this would be enough. Yet, as I grew up, I discovered that there were always others considerably better than myself at what I did; I found out that not all doors are open, and that not all people will like me for striving to make constant progress.
Society has abandoned me, and I have gradually abandoned it in response.
“I don’t need them!”, I said to myself. “They’re just fools!”, I exclaimed.
I decided that all my creations; all my endeavors would be oriented towards impressing intellectuals, regardless of their chosen areas of interest.
I had an egotistical wish to spark within one’s mind the bright shimmer of inspiration that had been cast in mine by many others; to leave behind something grand enough that I would stand out, even in this age of animosity.
But then, the problem. I cannot impress neither society, nor its intellectuals; and worst of all, I cannot impress even myself.
I’ve spent countless hours perfecting my works, I’ve many times lost sleep. I thought, as I was making them, that I would finally create a masterpiece; alas, I created only works which were below average.
I wrote many words; but none as elegant as that of any writer that I’ve read.
I’ve played many songs on my guitar beloved: And yet those songs were heard with pleasure but by me and it; and sometimes, I suppose it sighs and weeps that its owner will never use it to its full potential.
I have painted, I have drawn; what was in the mind and heart as powerful as tidal waves came out depicted as lowly, empty gusts of wind.
I have entered many contests - none of which I’ve ever won.
And then, the more I looked around me, the more I realized the truth about myself.
I am not the best. I am not the wisest. I am not unique. I am not creative.
I have no one, and even my own self is turned against me.
Good readers, I confess - I am a failure as a man.
I have lost all moral values, and there is nothing I believe in any more.
I am fit to be nothing more than an observer. Perhaps that is to be my fate; but in my name, there will be no stories written; and I shall not likely write any myself.
Then, I am fit to be nothing more than nothingness itself.
Funny thing, familiarity: I shall keep moving on, as I have never stopped.
your confession really moved me, i know nothing about you.. but if you can write this you certainly are something…
now, maybe its just me, but i feel as though you have a gift. of course everyone does.
You are unique, for you are you and nobody else can be.
Nothing means something, therefore if you say to yourself you are nothing, you are ALWAYS something. (‘:
my little words of wisdom there.
- Shannon,x
i spent a few hours on sat night talking to you. well if its not you, then its someone who has the exact same issues as you. and that is just so ironic. i haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.
the whole time you were sitting there telling me how much of a failure you are i felt like giving you a huge hug and talking you through that nonsense, to the other side, where you can see that there’s no such thing as a “perfect” person/existance. that you can be destined for great things and acheive great things and affect and inspire people without you even knowing it.
anyway, you’re probably not the same guy i spoke to on sat night, but, by the sounds you have the same feelings of inadequacy. and they’re probably 100% unfounded.
JUST LET YOURSELF BE. just be. forget about the ways in which you feel you don’t measure up… true success is letting all of that go.
And M___o if that is you, chin up buddy, you’re awesome and I can’t believe you don’t know it.
Fortunate, he who has such friends.
People are never perfect; yet, at times, they achieve certain things, worthy of boasting about.
I’ve not boasted in a while.
so you can only acheive self-validation if you boast to/get praise from people??
there’s your problem. you need to please yourself and no one else. yeah recognition would be nice from time to time, but so long as you’re making yourself happy, that’s all that really matters. the sooner you realise this and believe it, the more organic and inspired your work will become.
From what I can see , you wish to be brilliant at everything ,witch is just some thing that is impossible.
find your true passion , sick with it , and you will become the best you can be.
I’m trying to keep from being depressed. For once I’ve had happiness for longer than 4 minutes. It’s been a week and I’ve been happy. So happy I’ve been paranoid. I just want to keep being happy…after 2 years of depression, I need to be happy. I need to be around people that can help me be happy. […]
Continue reading I’m trying to keep from being depressed…
happiness is strange after depression. dont rush into it. take it in strides. its like withdrawl for lack of something better to phrase it as. you’re so used to being depressed happiness is hurting all at once. take it in strides.
Do the attempts at getting girls to video chat with you ever work?
I don’t ask them to video chat. I just ask to chat in general… and usually it isn’t just girls.
Sometimes it does. If it doesn’t, I’m not bothered. For the most part I just look for people to talk to
You’re really bad at trolling by the way.
that’s because i’m not a troll.
It’s not a sin, and I’m not complaining. I just wanted to share with you all the recent transformation. Just a few weeks ago, I was, like many people here, in a rough patch. I was never suicidal luckily, but only because I am a coward. I hated waking up from sleep…sleep was my only […]
Continue reading It’s not a sin, and I’m not complainin…
Good for you! I hope you’ll stay together for long 
I am so so so so so so so so happy for you.
No idea.
And i feel good that i encouraged someone to take a leap of faith.
All the best,
Daniela
I’m full of a rage and anger that I’m finding harder and harder to displace and escape. It’s like there’s a second person inside of me and all he wants to do is spread vermin and hurt and kill people. I do not know where this rage comes from but even when I’m in the […]
Continue reading I’m full of a rage and anger that I’m …
I feel so much the same way. I fear there’s something to me that I don’t know whether or not to befriend.
It’s just hard because I know I want to help people and try to make the world better - but then there’s a a savage part of me that wants to kill and destroy everything I touch - I don’t know which is my true nature
So, I am from a state in the Midwest and finally feel like I found what I want to do career-wise with my life and it is a huge field. Fashion-I have no clue if this is high fashion photography, or if I want to do design, or be a professional fashion consultant, a columnist […]
Continue reading A Future in Fashion
Material things are not what is important. You should focus on acheiving your goals and being happy rather than worry about having designer shoes and a fancy car. Those things don’t bring happiness and you certainly don’t need them in order to be a succesful designer or editor and photographer or whatever you decide you want to do. Just do your best, enjoy what you have, and don’t be just another face in the crowd with boring designer duds. Express yourself, wear your own creations. Thats the best way to display your talents and style.
I am truly happy for you that you know what you want.
Write all of this down, stick it up on your wall, and whenever you feel like you want to give up, read it again. You know what you want - keep your eyes on the proverbial prize, and nobody can stop you from getting it.
Sometimes I’m absolutely certain that I’m losing what little sanity I believed I had. As soon as I make a decision, I fret over it. I’m simultaneously relieved and yet further weighted down by a misshapen and burdening ingot of guilt and fear that makes every attempt to crush my heart beneath it. Have I […]
Continue reading Sometimes I’m absolutely certain that I…
hey man you need to find peace, every choice you make has different outcomes, but all you can do is make the best choice you can and roll with the tides, there is no since in worrying about what could have been, all that matters is what is.
and stay out of the darkness, get into the light, go into the open and let people see the person you want to be.
Go into the light, find a hobby that makes you happy, painting, writing, desiging, singing, anything that you enjoy and makes you happy, and just go do it, go do it and show off what you do and be proud of it no matter what any one else says.
Aerotan 1:52 am on March 3, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
The best way would be to learn to love yourself for who you are. He may make you stronger, but being able to stand strong on your own won’t cheapen that. In fact, by learning to love yourself, you stand to learn better how to love him, and show that love.