I hate people who complain. Get the fuck over it and keep on truckin’. Life will not wait on you. Why should you linger trying to fix or figure out things that have passed? There is absolutely no reason!
Tagged: life RSS
-
ClosetAthiest
-
rivergirl
i thought about confessing what i’m feeling right now, but i rather just know this - what makes you get up every morning? what helps you deal with loss, whether it be of love or of life? what makes you turn away from giving up? i need an answer and i don’t know who to ask anymore.
-
Mara
It varies. What makes me get up, is I can’t stay in bed. No matter how much I may want to.
I’ve never had much loss to deal with, but I generally don’t deal with it well. I dig at the problem, try and find out as much as I can. It rarely works.
And what keeps me from giving up is my friends. I don’t have much faith in family any more. So I put my faith in the people I choose to care about, and in the fact that the world keeps going. That as long as you keep going with it, there’s a chance things get better. And sometimes I let myself give up for a bit, just to remind myself what it’s like. To remind myself why I don’t want to do it.
-
-
Proletariat
I’m finally starting to take responsibility for my life and how bad I’ve fucked it up so far. Fixing it all will take some time, but for once, I’m cautiously optimistic.
-
quiteabitch
I like this =) Good luck
-
Proletariat
Thanks, Quite. BTW, Where are you off to for a year?
-
quiteabitch
Either Canada or New Zeland =)
-
Proletariat
Nice. My dream is either Ireland or Iceland.
-
quiteabitch
Lol. My life dreams are either England or USA, but Canada and New Zeland are the countries where the best exchange programs for students like me are lol =)
-
-
-
-
-
-
SlowlyRising
It’s been over a year now since my old life ended.
My kid sister had a mental breakdown of some kind, I was falsely accused of being a child molester, and I lost my home, and all of my friends and family. The little girl I adored more than anyone else, who I would do anything for, thought I was the worst person in the world. And I felt like it.
I’ve been living away on my own since then.
Last week, during Spring Break, it was her 13th birthday. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking. Against my better judgment, I went home. A few long bus rides and walks later, I was there.
I caught her on her way out of the house. There was no doubt it was her, but she had grown. Jesus Christ, had she grown. She must have gained three or four inches since I saw her last. She had the figure of a woman. I could hardly recognize her as the little sister I used to give piggyback rides to.
As soon as she saw me, she froze. I have rehearsed a million things I want to say to her, but my mind went blank in that moment. Isn’t that always the case?
Something stupid and desperate overwhelmed me, and I actually hugged the frightened girl.
She just stood there and stiffly accepted it, like she didn’t know what to do. I don’t know how long we stood there, it felt so good to hug her again, even if she wouldn’t return it. I actually started crying. Not just crying, bawling. I hugged her tight and told her I was sorry, apologizing for god-knows-what I did to her. I am the lamest big brother in existence.
And then she asked me if I wanted to come inside.
My parents were both home and they were visibly shocked to see me. We all made awkward small talk for a short while. I let everyone know where I was and what I was doing. Even though they think their son is a fucking pervert, they worried about me. I let them know I was doing okay.
My sis didn’t say much of anything. I could feel how uncomfortable with my presence, so I left. On the way out, I think I heard her squeak out that it was good to see me. Maybe it was just wishful thinking.
I should have gotten her a present.
I think everything will be okay. I don’t know if I can ever go home, or if I even really want to anymore. She still needs some space. She still doesn’t trust me. But after the single hour I spent at home, I think it will all be okay.
Some day I’ll be able to prove to her that her brother isn’t a bad person. We’ll be best friends again some day. I really believe that.
-
forget then
I loved you when I first read this,
and I love you more now.
You are such a strong person.
I think your life can only get better from here.
I wish you all the best.
<3-
SlowlyRising
Thank you. That actually means a lot to me.
-
forget then
I’m glad. You seem like you’ve had a lot thrown your way, and I’m glad to’ve said something that means something to you. You are genuinely a beautiful person to me, and if I knew you in real life, I’d give you a hug and kiss you on the cheek and tell you just how courageous you are and how beautiful your heart is.
-
-
-
nohelpforit
I can’t imagine what that must have been like. You seem to be a very strong person though I’m sure it was never easy for you. I admire you. I hope you have better luck in the future.
-
-
Girl
It’s annoying how I’m usually more outgoing in my writing than when I get on IM, write emails and messages. In person I’m more quiet and reserved. I’ve been told by the people closest to me that I should try drinking at least once so I can ‘let loose’ and see how outgoing in person I get. Thing is, I’ve never drank before in my life… and every day it seems more and more compelling, even if the person I might become won’t be the real me and it will only be for a short amount of time.
I guess all I’m waiting for is for the perfect opportunity, when the parents won’t be around… and of course, to drink with those that I trust.
But we’ll see how it goes as life continues on it’s way.
-
4815162342
Just don’t do it at a party your first time. Get a few of your closest friends, a night where there’s no parents at the house, stick to 1 type of beverage, and take it slow and have fun.
-
Girl
Yeah that’s what they have told me, not to drink at a party for the first time. I have had countless occasions where I can drink with them at small intimate ‘parties’ one of my close cousins sometimes throws. But there’s always the parents… they hardly ever go out. So it’s pretty much the waiting game with them. I just hope I don’t crack and drink when they’re in town and I get to go home drunk, as to what I expect.
-
CurrerBell
At parties, I’ll sometimes do drink if there’s alcohol. Well, more often than not and when I do, it’s never more than one bottle or shot. I guess alcohol doesn’t really do it for me and I personally don’t think I need a drink to enjoy myself. Many of my friends drink just for the sake of drinking and some of the time, we end up having to park on the side of the road for someone to cry and vomit. Totally great way to end a night (and start the next morning).
Anyway, without being all teacher-y, the point of my post is this: Don’t drink for the sake of drinking or purely just to “let loose”, you know, in case you end up drinking more than you want and all. Also, please drink only when YOU feel comfortable to and be assertive enough to know when to stop. But of course, as you’ll probably be drinking with those you trust, perhaps it’ll be OK to “let loose” a bit.
-
-
SlowlyRising
It’s been 6 months since I first posted here. It’s been a hell of a year, but life has stabilized.
But I’ve got a new problem. It dawned on me that I’ll be all alone on my birthday this year. I’ve got no friends and my family mostly doesn’t want anything to do with me. I guess it’s been about a year since I’ve gotten a hug from my kid sister, or anyone for that matter.
I’m not sure when it happened, but I can barely interact with people anymore. I’ve always been a little on the shy side, but nothing like this. When someone else starts a conversation, I can spit out a couple of words at best, maybe, but I can’t bring myself to really get to know anyone. I don’t know why. Some connection has been severed.
But I dream about it. I see people and imagine myself taking to them. It’s even worse with the girls. I see a cute one and think about what a wonderful person she must be, and how happy I might be with her. There have been too many “what ifs” to count. I’ve never had much luck with women, I suppose, but it never really bothered me like this until now.
I’d love to be loved, but I can’t put myself out there. I just want someone to hold and hug and cuddle. I really miss feeling someone else’s warmth.
I’m in one of the most populated cities in the world, but I’ve never felt so lonely.
But I’m not enough an egotistical bastard to think I’m the only one who feels this way. There’s got to be
hundreds of people here like me, right? Maybe I’ll find them. Maybe we can be alone, together. Maybe you feel this way. Maybe it doesn’t matter, and it’s just a phase.I don’t know what to do with myself yet, but I CANNOT and WILL NOT stay this way.
Happy birthday, me.
-
All Time Shannon
Happy birthday! And I think you should go up and give your sister a hug why not?
-
sweety
Happy birthday. Though I don;t know you personally, I am giving you a hug!!!!
-
-
nohelpforit
I feel so horrible today. I just want to delete myself from the world. I don’t make it a better place, not like I wanted. Or maybe if I could just be invisible. I screwed up at work. I didn’t mean to, I just did. There was no help for it, it seems, like it was destined to happen. I want to disappear but I don’t want to die… I can’t delete myself…. my family… I feel like I can’t even talk to my family…tell them how upset I am… they are sick of hearing me cry. I keep telling myself to be strong but there is no help for it. I am scared of how I feel, like people would be better off without me. I’m just trying to think now how I can go through life causing people the least pain possible. but there is no answer. I feel trapped in this life. I feel trapped and all I can do is to keep a safe distance from the ones I love so that I don’t hurt them inadvertently again.
there is no help for it.
-
AnnaBx263
Look at your self. For all you know, you may have saved someones life one day.
One day… Everything turns brighter.
-
-
All Time Shannon
T.a.T.u - All the things she said.
I love the song, but. There’s something about it that reminds me of my past, I want to forget it. So many songs, help me through things. Even make things worse at times.
Music is Life.
- Shannon
-
finnley
Scarey, i had a best friend called Shannon, and that song would relate to our past. She was mad on her music, we both were, it was the only thing that got us through the day. But saddly, just like all other friends i’ve had, she turned her back on me. I miss her loads, not that she would know.
Don’t forget the past, because what happened then, made you who you are today.
If the past was unkind, use that as something to focus on, to help you with goals.-
All Time Shannon
Oh, thank you for replying. I wasn’t sure if people would.
And the thing is, I’m not sure if I like the person I am today. I feel out of place, everywhere.- Shannon
-
Cavalary
Feeling out of place may well be the fault of the “places”…
-
-
-
Y ask Y
Nice post; it was a nice read. I noticed before that you liked a post I put up earlier. When you’ve got a moment, would you mind telling me why?
-
All Time Shannon
Well that’s kind of hard to explain.
I just did…
(:
-
-
-
sforzesca
I’ve been in a lousy mood this weekend. Nothing really matters when you think about it, does it? Odds are that none of us will make a real difference in the world. I can’t tell who the lucky ones are: the ones who live to be 100, or the ones who die before this type of thing starts bothering them on a regular basis.
I need a drink.
-
misanthropic
Of all the things I am afraid of, I am most afraid of failing.
I was raised as an achiever; my parents pushed me to be the best - there were no doors that would not open for me, were I to pull them.
They instilled in me a constant need to best myself until in an inertial manner I have surpassed all others in whatever mattered to me most.I thought, as a child, that this would be enough. Yet, as I grew up, I discovered that there were always others considerably better than myself at what I did; I found out that not all doors are open, and that not all people will like me for striving to make constant progress.
Society has abandoned me, and I have gradually abandoned it in response.
“I don’t need them!”, I said to myself. “They’re just fools!”, I exclaimed.
I decided that all my creations; all my endeavors would be oriented towards impressing intellectuals, regardless of their chosen areas of interest.I had an egotistical wish to spark within one’s mind the bright shimmer of inspiration that had been cast in mine by many others; to leave behind something grand enough that I would stand out, even in this age of animosity.
But then, the problem. I cannot impress neither society, nor its intellectuals; and worst of all, I cannot impress even myself.
I’ve spent countless hours perfecting my works, I’ve many times lost sleep. I thought, as I was making them, that I would finally create a masterpiece; alas, I created only works which were below average.
I wrote many words; but none as elegant as that of any writer that I’ve read.
I’ve played many songs on my guitar beloved: And yet those songs were heard with pleasure but by me and it; and sometimes, I suppose it sighs and weeps that its owner will never use it to its full potential.
I have painted, I have drawn; what was in the mind and heart as powerful as tidal waves came out depicted as lowly, empty gusts of wind.
I have entered many contests - none of which I’ve ever won.And then, the more I looked around me, the more I realized the truth about myself.
I am not the best. I am not the wisest. I am not unique. I am not creative.
I have no one, and even my own self is turned against me.
Good readers, I confess - I am a failure as a man.
I have lost all moral values, and there is nothing I believe in any more.
I am fit to be nothing more than an observer. Perhaps that is to be my fate; but in my name, there will be no stories written; and I shall not likely write any myself.
Then, I am fit to be nothing more than nothingness itself.Funny thing, familiarity: I shall keep moving on, as I have never stopped.
-
All Time Shannon
your confession really moved me, i know nothing about you.. but if you can write this you certainly are something…
now, maybe its just me, but i feel as though you have a gift. of course everyone does.
You are unique, for you are you and nobody else can be.
Nothing means something, therefore if you say to yourself you are nothing, you are ALWAYS something. (‘:my little words of wisdom there.
- Shannon,x
-
raven
i spent a few hours on sat night talking to you. well if its not you, then its someone who has the exact same issues as you. and that is just so ironic. i haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.
the whole time you were sitting there telling me how much of a failure you are i felt like giving you a huge hug and talking you through that nonsense, to the other side, where you can see that there’s no such thing as a “perfect” person/existance. that you can be destined for great things and acheive great things and affect and inspire people without you even knowing it.
anyway, you’re probably not the same guy i spoke to on sat night, but, by the sounds you have the same feelings of inadequacy. and they’re probably 100% unfounded.
JUST LET YOURSELF BE. just be. forget about the ways in which you feel you don’t measure up… true success is letting all of that go.
And M___o if that is you, chin up buddy, you’re awesome and I can’t believe you don’t know it.
-
misanthropic
Fortunate, he who has such friends.
People are never perfect; yet, at times, they achieve certain things, worthy of boasting about.
I’ve not boasted in a while.-
raven
so you can only acheive self-validation if you boast to/get praise from people??
there’s your problem. you need to please yourself and no one else. yeah recognition would be nice from time to time, but so long as you’re making yourself happy, that’s all that really matters. the sooner you realise this and believe it, the more organic and inspired your work will become.
-
-
-
mouse
From what I can see , you wish to be brilliant at everything ,witch is just some thing that is impossible.
find your true passion , sick with it , and you will become the best you can be.
-
-
nothing but me
Today I couldn’t answer the test at the psychologist’s. All my schoolmates answered half of the test.
The point is I don’t like anything.
There is no more passion, no more life, no more colourful dreams running through my veins. I’m nothing but a huge heap of dust.-
Chiron
Anhedonia….
Why do you think you are devoid of feeling? Has it always been that way?
-
nothing but me
I don’t know…
-
-
nothing but me
-
pixie_stix
I don’t know what to do anymore…
-
SolomonTummler
Neither do i.
-
pixie_stix
At least you’re not alone.
-
-
O.R.T.
Me neither. High five guys!
-
-
LoveIsAllAroundYou
I haven’t seen you in years. You live in a different state. I just talked with you on Facebook. I’m in love with you. You’re one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. You’re caring, understanding, and don’t hang onto the bad things too much. I wish I could be with you. The worst part is that I know I will never be able to be with you.
-
poeticxheart
i understand how you feel. I met someone a few years ago, he lives in a different state and joined the marines. I just finished skyping with the guy I’m in love with who might be getting deployed soon.
I wish you the best and try to think positively! Merry Christmas
-
LoveIsAllAroundYou
Really? That’s really sad. I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who feels this way. I hope all goes well with your man! Thank you, and hope you had a merry Christmas as well!
-
-
-
ClosetAthiest
I had given up on African-American guys, until I met him. To me it seemed that there was not even a single black man out there that could live up to my standards, let alone be in a relationship with me. Every black guy I met seemed as if he was uneducated, obnoxious, or ignorant. My top requirement for a datable man is education. Anyone who doesn’t have aspirations to further their education, in my eyes, is illiterate and lacks ambition. That was until I met Sam. He is articulate, intelligent, polite, extensively chivalrous, charming, has a beautiful smile, and gives amazing hugs. He is a writer, rapping is a hobby of his, and he’s not like most “wanna-be rapper guys,” he understands that there is no money in music, and he has an alternative; He’s an English major, and a damn good one.
He doesn’t know that I feel this way about him, and maybe never will. Because I could be happy for the rest of my life with JUST the relationship we have now. I wouldn’t want to jeopardize our friendship for an impulsive decision. If we never end up together, he has given me hope, that my perception of a “perfect man” exists; And if we were to end up together, we would be one of the most dynamic, ambitious couples ever.
I Love you Samuel.
-
IndividualSameness
Love.
The one thing I have for certain, and I don’t even feel it.
Love.
Where has it gotten me? Lies and misinformation, broken friendships and hell to pay. And yet I yearn to feel it.
Love.
A feeling of such raw emotion it blinds the senses and renders you hopelessly transfixed on someone you may not even know.
Why do I miss it?
I know why.
For all the trouble it causes, it heals.
And why can’t I cry anymore?
-
ShastaKey
It’s funny. I feel like all I do anymore is cry, but I think that our crying-related symptoms probably stem from the same disease:
Love.
Fuck it.
-
-
rivergirl
Dear Reader,
What’s YOUR reason to live?
I need to find mine.-
vivaldee
I live for other people. I love people so much and I enjoy doing whatever I can possibly do to make their lives even a little bit better. When I help someone, what I want doesn’t matter. The feeling that someone’s life is better by the power of Christ working through me is all that matters.
-
unknown
my reason to live is that there is too much to see before i die, to many things i want to do. and i at least want to feel love before i do. i wanna do all sorts of shit, travel see people make friends everywhere i can.
Rivergirl, can you not imagine doing any of these things?
-
rivergirl
I suppose I can, but it’s all a matter of “how”. That’s when things get messy. I don’t know what should be put first - happiness or assurance.
-
-
secondchancesx3
im not fully aware of my reason. although, i know i want to be with kids when im older. i want to have my own, and i want to help the lives of others. either be a teacher, special ed teacher, i would love to do research on kids with mental illnesses. id love to help child i can, anyway possible. they are my passion. thats for the future.
i also know i am alive right now for everyone that is in my life. for anyone who loves me. for anyone that cares about me. i know i stay alive for them. because i know if some of those people werent alive for me, i dont know what i would do.
-
CrimsonTears
I wish I knew… I have spent 23 years living for others, but, after a while it gets tiring. It’s so hard to live for others because when I’m alone, I have no one and want to die. I have spiraled so deep into my eating disorder and self injury, i fear that if I try to live for myself, i’ll be dead in a day. I keep living out of guilt for the pain I would cause others if I left, unfortunately, the pain they would suffer collectively is carried by me every day.
That being said, I sincerely hope you find yours, and I will keep looking for mine.
-
hugsalot
I need to find mine as well. I’m at a place in my life at the moment where I should be focused and I should have a clear idea in mind about what I want to do, but I’ve never felt more lost. I know some people my age that are now married or have just finished university degrees and what have I done? pretty much nothing. I’ve never felt comfortable enough to admit that in real life because I feel that no one that I personally know will understand.
It’s weird because I honestly don’t think I have a calling in life. I just take each day as it comes and I try to enjoy it. I like spending time with those few friends that I have and I also like doing things (shopping,movies,gigs etc) on my own. I probably sound like some loner chick and I guess you can say I am. I guess I’m just used to doing things by myself and keeping to myself so much it’s become “normal”.
Sorry for blabbing on so much. I hope you and everyone else above can figure their stuff out.
-
disappearingink
At the moment I don’t know but I find myself living to learn about the world and people, which may sound dumb, I suppose. But honestly I enjoy it and its probably the only thing I’m good at. I think about everything I look at people and analyze their body language and faces and you just learn so much about people its great. I think a lot about everything and the infinite possibilities of life.
Its bad though because I despise school because its a bland box of nothingness. And the knowledge you gain there ultimately amounts to nothing.
Sorry for rambling. But I hope you find your way soon.
-
purpletears
i don’t have on
-
-
Dreamboat Annie
If you’re in love with a guy, and he seems to really like you too, but then he never makes a move, even after you’ve kissed him onstage (and you both knew it was more than just a stage kiss), but then you realize there’s this other guy you’ve always admired, and you keep thinking about him and you’re always extra happy to see him……..what do you do?
I feel unfaithful to the other guy, and I certainly don’t want to mess up anything when we’re so close to finally being together, but what if he never gets up the courage to even ask me out?
Where on earth did this other attraction come from? I guess I have always admired him, but I didn’t realize that I liked him. I don’t even see him all that often? How on earth did he manage to capture my interest? I suppose its been building up for a while now, but the realization just recently hit me. First, I just thought he was cool. Then I caught myself watching him on the bus that one time. Then this year, I saw him in our school library. And I was excited to see him. I kept thinking to myself, “WHY am I excited to see him?” Now yesterday, I caught myself daydreaming about him…….. and I’m all happy.
Look what he’s done to me. And he doesn’t even know. How does that work?
When I think of just letting it continue and watch what happens, I get this strange feeling, as if I know subconsciously that its gonna work out great, or like I’m starting this awesome adventure. I’m really happy.
Should I let it continue, or should I hold back for the first guy (the one who kissed me)?
I’m so confused.-
Dreamboat Annie
Any ideas anyone?
-
Douleur
If you’re happy, you should continue. I dont know you but I like seeing people happy, and If I was your friend I would say to do whatever made you smile.
-
-
southbeachyanira
deep down i kno my family is a well of infinite love and support whenever i need them. its a gift that a lot of ppl would kill to have. we have our issuse like every other family. but why do i feel like i want to rid myself of them? why do i feel like i hate them? for nothing. i just do. i want to leave them all and never come back. even my friends. i feel hollow and empty and indifferent about it. i dont hate the hating them. i dont like it. if i left there would be no real hole. they wouldnt die of heartbreak even though they think they might. they would survive and i would survive. i dont want them anymore. i dont want any of them i just want to leave them.
-
SlowlyRising
Where to begin?
Eight months ago now, my little sister lost her mind. Her personality completely shifted, and she accused me of molesting her. We were like best friends, I could never do such a thing, and I’d personally strangle anyone who did.
And yet, I was instantly guilty. No need to offer a defense, I was a child molester. Is there a worse title to bear? My own family thought I did it, and they wouldn’t even look me in the eye. There was no proof, but why would a sweet young child lie? I wasn’t put in prison, but I could never go near my home of the last 10 years again.
I miss her hugs.
I contemplated killing myself but I was terrified of what that could do to my already warped little sister. I was swiftly thrown out of the house with no job or place to go. My friends could never take me in, it’s a small town, so everyone had heard what I “did.”
I heard stories though. Some people would still talk to me, maybe out of pity, I don’t know. She was institutionalized several times, got new friends, acts like a criminal now. She’s run away from home at least twice.
I wished I could help her. But I couldn’t.
So I left. I wandered for a while. Everything for the first four months is a blur. I just lived. Odd jobs, sleeping outside, the kindness of strangers who would spit on me if they knew what others call reality. Starving my self to save money. I went to the big city, It’s not important which one.
I’ve got no friends, but I don’t care anymore. I found a place to live, I went back to school. I want to learn Psychology. I don’t know what hell happened to my sister, but nothing like this should ever happen to anyone, ever again. I doubt there will ever be anything I can do, but I still want to try.
I can survive for six more months with the money I’ve got, more if I can find decent work.
Bring it on, you stupid fucking universe.
-
Nostalgia
I applaud you.
-
4815162342
the last line says it best
-
Song4TheNotebook
come live with me if you need a place to stay.
ill take anyone in. i dont judge. -
moonlight
You sir, are an amazing person.
-
s1mpl1c1ty
She was crying out for help,
but I think you’ve got a beautiful soul for seeing past the stupid shit she did to you and wanting to help her through all her hardships.
I pray for you, dear boy, and I want you to find love.
If I was not in a commited relationship,
and madly in love, I’d fall for you after you told me this story-
because no matter if you did do this or not, and you said you didn’t, you wanted to help her
you still loved her.
You’re amazing.-
Shannon_Secret
Group hug*
Good luck, seriously. X
-
-
4qts
Whether you really molested her or not is not the question, you would not be the first or last. If you didn’t, the fact that you are strong enough to get through it all as you seem to have is HIGHLY commendable. For me the bigger picture in all this is the fact that a female of ANY age can accuse a male of molestation and the stigma and guilt is automatically assumed. My wife and her daughter (my step daughter) have a terrible relationship. Knowing that all she would have to do to screw up our lives’ would be to say I touched her, or even now, her daughter (my grand step-daughter) prevents us from having them around me un-supervised. She is a vindictive girl and has blatantly lied many times before. Guys don’t stand a chance under those conditions!!!!!!
-
groupkiss
i’m sorry to hear that, but i hope you keep on going, what you’ve done is amazing. good luck!
-
wonder 8:38 pm on June 12, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
Maybe some things take some time and effort to let go and some things are even worth holding onto and fighting for