I’m bulimic. I feel like everywhere I go, people are staring at me, wondering how on earth a person could be so fat and feeling good that they aren’t as disgusting to look at as I am. I feel like food controls my life. I’m overweight but not obese; I wear an American size 12-14, which is about average. I have excellent blood pressure and I work out. But every time I see someone skinny on TV, I feel like a failure. You have to be skinny to be beautiful. You have to be beautiful to be loved. I don’t throw up because I want to be skinny; I throw up because it numbs the hurt knowing that I’ll never be good enough in anyone’s eyes for anything—friendship or relationship.
Tagged: Lonely RSS
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keilin
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SlowlyRising
It’s been 6 months since I first posted here. It’s been a hell of a year, but life has stabilized.
But I’ve got a new problem. It dawned on me that I’ll be all alone on my birthday this year. I’ve got no friends and my family mostly doesn’t want anything to do with me. I guess it’s been about a year since I’ve gotten a hug from my kid sister, or anyone for that matter.
I’m not sure when it happened, but I can barely interact with people anymore. I’ve always been a little on the shy side, but nothing like this. When someone else starts a conversation, I can spit out a couple of words at best, maybe, but I can’t bring myself to really get to know anyone. I don’t know why. Some connection has been severed.
But I dream about it. I see people and imagine myself taking to them. It’s even worse with the girls. I see a cute one and think about what a wonderful person she must be, and how happy I might be with her. There have been too many “what ifs” to count. I’ve never had much luck with women, I suppose, but it never really bothered me like this until now.
I’d love to be loved, but I can’t put myself out there. I just want someone to hold and hug and cuddle. I really miss feeling someone else’s warmth.
I’m in one of the most populated cities in the world, but I’ve never felt so lonely.
But I’m not enough an egotistical bastard to think I’m the only one who feels this way. There’s got to be
hundreds of people here like me, right? Maybe I’ll find them. Maybe we can be alone, together. Maybe you feel this way. Maybe it doesn’t matter, and it’s just a phase.I don’t know what to do with myself yet, but I CANNOT and WILL NOT stay this way.
Happy birthday, me.
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All Time Shannon
Happy birthday! And I think you should go up and give your sister a hug why not?
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sweety
Happy birthday. Though I don;t know you personally, I am giving you a hug!!!!
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itsme1
I have tried being happy lately. I really do hate being down and I am normally an upbeat person. I am usually telling my wife to be more positive…The truth is, I hate my life. I feel like the last 14 years have been a waste. I messed up and put myself in a situation where I am living where I do not want to live. I have a job that I hate and can’t find another one. I feel like I am a failure as a father. There is nothing that I want more than a “Do Over” button.
I know that isn’t possible, but I can’t get my mind off of it. I just want to start over. Is there anyone else out there that is over $100,000 in debt and that does NOT include a house? Yup that would be me.
I am trapped and I feel like there is no way out. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Life is just going to continue to suck until the day I die. Heck, the way things are going for me, the way I die will suck too. It will probably be some long drawn out and painful thing.
Hope…I want it. I want to believe that there is something better. That it will get better. If you knew me, you would never believe that I feel this way. I have gotten really good at acting positive and happy. I have even had people tell me that they wish they could be positive like me, that they look to me as an example of this. If they only knew the truth. Inside, I am a wreck.
I get up in the morning and dread going to work. At the end of the day, I dread going home. The only place I wish I could be is where I consider home.
I never get to go there…She finds a reason why we can’t go. Not that they aren’t legitate reasons…but she always finds them. I don’t think she does it on purpose, but she does it.
I want happiness.
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GraingerGuy
You’re seriously $100K in debt? Credit card debt? Time for bankruptcy my friend. It’ll get the creditors to stop calling and will give you a plan and peace of mind. Call an attorney. That’s one way to start.
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Y ask Y
Hey man. It’s never too late. There’s a saying that you have to eat an Elephant in small bites. Right now I’m sure it looks insurmountable, but even the smallest step towards change might create an Avanlanche towards something greater.
There’s truth in your post, and certainty. The certainty is that if you don’t make a change of some kind, you’re right, your life is guaranteed to be ass until the grave. Hope will come from change, man. It won’t just fall out of the sky. And that’s frightening and it’s shit and it sucks, but that’s how it is.
I don’t know about the debt. But I do know about no having much money to go around. The money has nothing to do with your ability to interact with your kids. Being a great dad is free. It’s just a matter or perspective, and if you don’t have money, ingenuity. You can do it.
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bobburgster
file for bankruptcy
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TheINTJ
I’m in love with a girl I met online a few months ago. She knows I’m in love with her. She’s three years older than I and treats me like a child because of it. It feels so degrading when she does. She asks me to do a lot for her and asks me to stop doing small things that bother her or remind her of others. I just put up with the things she does that bothers me. She’s beautiful.. far out of my league. I can talk to her about anything, but yet I barely talk to her about anything important; things I SHOULD be talking to her about. She still won’t tell me some things about herself as well. When I approach her about sensitive topics her reaction is to run away.. it is so bothersome. When I met her I wasn’t in tune with my emotions at all; in fact, as I am now, I may as well have been emotionless before. I am going through an emotional and mental roller-coaster than at points in time I so much regret allowing myself to get on to. I’m only going to be hurt in the long run.. I know this. It’s going to tear apart the pieces of me that I don’t get to first before the end of the line comes. Before I met her I only cried twice in my life. Add four times onto that in months. I was baffled how words could hurt people.. now I know how. She talks about her ex-boyfriends and people she used to have phone sex with, with me.. god, how I wish she didn’t. It is such an unpleasant experience.. and makes me feel all kinds of things. I’ve tried ending our “friendship” four times now. All times failed because she kept contact with me and I have feelings far too strong for her to just ignore her. We call it a friendship.. I’m not sure if either of us are convinced it is. She may be.. but, it sure as hell does not feel like one. We talk to each other about our days, talk for hours at a time, discuss sexual things (masturbation, things we think of, etc) and none of it is awkward at all. I have never been with a girl before. I always keep to myself in real life and I’m a loner to the extreme. I won’t approach people; they have to approach me. I just want someone to be there for me.. to hold me, to let me hold them.. to be there with me and show me attention. Things people have never done for me before. It’s such a simple request, but it feels as if it’ll never be fulfilled. I’m an extremely depressed person and often times suicidal. I made a promise to her that I wouldn’t do it for a while.. but.. will I be able to carry through with that? I’m not sure.. I find no reason to keep living if I feel so alone, unmotivated, careless, unloved.. and there is always a plus: I get to find out what happens after death. I’ve contemplated so many methods, and I’ve came close to doing quite a few. One day I think I will go through with it. I’m so fucking pathetic. I’ve held in my emotions for years.. they’re starting to try and push their way out now. At times I feel the extremes of anger, lust, depression, etc. It’s disturbing (not really to me; it seems normal) to go through a scenario of killing random people around me for no reason or psychologically fucking someone up for the fun of it, and then go on to sexual imagery in my head, and then feel extremely depressed all in one hour. I think something is wrong with me. These things don’t happen very often, but they certainly didn’t happen before. Now they come out every once in a while.. heh. I’m so lonely. I wish so badly that I could go through with suicide.. I truly do.
Adding on: I’m fifteen, she’s eighteen. Turning sixteen this year, she’s turning nineteen. I’m often times feel jealous when talking with her. She talks to a lot of guys and has made comments about how a lot of them have “feelings” for her. She keeps in contact with your ex-boyfriends, etc. I feel like I’m just a back-up plan for when the others aren’t there for her to talk with.. the things she tells me.. they feel so artificial. I have a hard time believing her. I give her all my time and attention when talking.. I’d be lucky if I get to talk with her and three others are talking with her as well. Then again, hey, what am I to say? I have no friends. Oh how I wish I could just drop our friendship and end this agony. I want to go back to how I was.. I didn’t feel these emotions and I just sat there in my own little, peaceful zone inside my head. Now I can’t get her out of my head. She says she values me as a friend and places me as third out of “tons of other people”. Third. -sigh- I wish so badly that I could just cry myself to sleep now and never wake up.. that I didn’t have class in a hour.. please.. let me go to sleep and don’t let me wake up.
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Ambriel
I think you need to see a psychiatrist, mate, and then a psychotherapist if possible. They may be able to give you tools that will help stabilize that roller coaster. If you’ve been already and had no progress, try someone else, maybe from a different approach. Throw everything you’ve got at it before you give up completely. If you can’t afford doctors, see if you can at least find a support group in your area, those are free and you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.
You have identified that you think something is wrong with you - that’s the first step. The next step is deciding whether you are willing to work to fix what is broken. That’s not an overnight process, it’s a gradual metamorphosis. Something is holding you back from suicide, which says to me that it isn’t truly what you want for yourself, deep down.
You want to be loved and cared for - that’s normal, and definitely tough when you feel so alone. But people can’t love you properly if you don’t reach out to them, if they don’t know you, if you don’t tell them what you are feeling or thinking. You may not have the tools to do that yet, so go get them! It’s hard work, but when the reward is love, isn’t that worthwhile? (Corny, I know, sorry.)
Good luck, mate. I have been in that big dark abyss and know it isn’t much fun. I’ve also lost people to it, and that wasn’t much fun either.
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TheINTJ
Thanks for the reply, Ambriel. I have considered going to see a psychiatrist/psychotherapist, but in order to do that I would actually have to tell my mother about things I am no where near ready to explain, nor do I want to have to tell any other family member. If I could go see one alone and not have to give any reasons as to why I want to see one, I would certainly have already tried to go. Hopefully someday I’ll be able to find a way to get to one without having to explain my situation to family.. I’d much rather keep it private.
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Ambriel
What you added is something I can relate to a little bit - the worst relationships I have ever had were the one I got into when I was the most vulnerable. Which is another reason you need to fix whatever is going wrong for you. People will use you and make the problem worse. This girl sounds like a user and the simple fact of the matter is that you are smarter than this, you deserve better and can do better. Once the part of you that knows that has woken up, it will be easier to move on and nigh impossible for her to drag you back.
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pd0815
what’s going on here is she might be scared of getting in trouble for being a child molester. maybe when you’re eighteen she will open up and not run away. but then she will be 21 and the next phase for her sets in… oh yea. then again she seems to be quite open talking to you about about her past experiences. If she didn’t talk about them, you would always be wondering about them. I think if you didn’t choose to be such a loner you wouldn’t have these problems with such everyday things to deal with.
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TheINTJ
I do not believe you could be called a “child molester” for just having feelings for someone three years younger than yourself, especially if there is no sexual things going on between us. She has mentioned that she “wishes I was 18” a couple of times before, but if she’s going to wait until I’m eighteen to tell me something, then that’s pretty pathetic. I agree with the loner bit as choosing this path and sticking to it only helped me to be even more so socially inept. Thanks for the reply.
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El_Scorcho
It’s been five months since I last kissed you. I feel so alone without you. Barely anyone likes me.
But you loved me, I see that now. If only I saw it at the time. I loved you, you’ve always known that. Whether you know I still do, I don’t know.
If I were to guess, I’d say you do. I can’t believe you don’t love me anymore though, or you do, and aren’t willing to have a relationship with me anymore. I just read the single status on Facebook, and I had that heavy ache in my heart instantly, like I had just been broken up with again. I know you know about my depression. Maybe you know it’s because of you that I want to tear out my wrists.
Maybe you know that it’s because of you that I can’t. This dilemma hurts so much. I love you, but I don’t want to hurt you.
I can’t love you any more than this. I never could and never will be able to love anyone more than this.
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loveless1
nevermind
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pd0815
This sounds like a lot of pre-relationship OCD. Did you create some kind of list of guidelines that someone needs to fall into to have a workable relationship with you? If so, that’s crap and it will always bite you in the end.
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loveless1
nevermind
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pd0815
what fetish? I haven’t seen one. but maybe my tolerance is way to high to notice anymore.
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ishouldbeokaysomehow
I agree with pd0815. You don’t seem to have any fetish. It’s all in your head. And you DON’T sound like a freak. I get the same way too. You’re overanalyzing your situation a bit much. I’m sure you’re going to find one girl, who will make you feel comfortable, trust me. And for the meanwhile, take it easy. Take one step at a time.
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RandomGuy
I think I am attracted to All Time Shannon. I bet she’s cute and funny too. Don’t get all freaked out. I’m not the stalker type.
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ithinkineedahug
I think she will be flattered
She’s a rly sweet person.-
All Time Shannon
Haha, awh thanks so much ^^;
- Shannon, x
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RandomGuy
OMG. I didn’t know you were 14. I’m sorry. I was trying to be silly and nice, but not creepy. I just read some of your confessions. I didn’t know you were a youngster. lol. But, some of your confessions were a bit sad. Don’t get all wrapped up in a boy at your age. And certainly, self harm is not a good thing. People will always fail you. As sad as it is, even those with the best intentions will fall short from time to time. The only person you can always trust is God.
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All Time Shannon
I’ve lost faith in god.
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RandomGuy
I’m sorry to hear that. Really. All too often we see difficulties in life as a sign that God hates us or that there is no God. It is usually because we put too much faith in people.
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forget then
How does age factor into this?
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All Time Shannon
I’m not sure :/
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AsKnownAs.
Clearly, he was attracted to you but musn’t be a teen, around your age, anymore!
Not to worry, plenty of fish in the sea, RandomGuy!
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algoogla
How could you say I’m too sensitive? All I asked for is basic consideration. And you couldn’t even give me that. So we’re over, and it hurts me, it hurts me like hell. I feel lonely, and I cry knowing we’ll never see each other, never even talk, again. I wish I could know you were feeling even a fraction of what I am. But I really have no idea. I trusted you, and you blithely betrayed that trust, without even really realizing what you were doing, I think. And the worst part is, I can’t even bring myself to hate you for it.
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AsKnownAs.
algoogla,
I know the hurt you have been feeling. I know 100%.
I believe you are new to GroupHug Live? If so, you probably haven’t heard my story. I’m not going to repeat it. In short, I was in a similar situation to you; we dated for quite some months and it ended because we fought so so so much. Because I was so sensitive. Hypersensitive, you might say. And him? He was cold.
I know the feeling of knowing it will never happening again, and I also know the feeling of being led to believe that it could, in the future. I’ve been tormented without him even knowing he was doing it. He hurt me so so so so so so much. I couldn’t hate him for breaking up with me because he had a point, and the way he treated me, I forgave him too.He’s already moved on, too. With another girl.
What was more, he never felt the pain I felt when he dumped me. And frankly, he didn’t care.
We agreed to be friends but he still, on occasion, sends mixed messages, and only now have I realised that I am much better off with him not being my friend for now. Him being around me killed me. Him being online on MSN killed me, so I finally had the courage to block him. I have never felt so relieved.
I promise you the pain goes away. If I were speaking with him, I’d be stuck in a rut, knowing how much I still miss him. I now know that the only way that feeling will go away, is if I move on. Moving on requires distance and it requires cutting ties. For people like me anyway, the sensitive kind. I still think about him everyday, I still think about what we had, and that a year ago today we were together hugging and kissing and falling for one another. The thought never even crossed my mind that quite possibly one year later I’d be sitting here, writing advice from my own personal break-up to you, a complete stranger.
I know that I am speaking about my self, but I am using my own experience as an example to you, to show you that the hurt won’t go away for a while. We broke up toward the end of September, and I am still hurt and a little shocked at how all of this happened.
But I want to you to know that it will get better, and to answer your confession above, you can love again. He was my first love, too. He meant the world to me, and the thought of dating someone else scared the living daylights out of me. But it is possible. I am currently afraid of being hurt and I am concerned about all the drama and pain relationships carry, but in time, when I do meet someone else, and when you meet someone else, it will be okay, and although you won’t ever forget your first, you will definitely be able to love again. You deserve happiness and you deserve love, and to be loved in return. It will happen, just don’t wait around for it.
We’ll be okay.
Your confession spoke to me. Wholly.
I want to help you, so if you want to talk to me about anything at all, I’m here for you.
Daniela
(By the way, a way of forgetting about him/her, is by focusing on little projects, focus on reading, studying, socialising, rekindling lost friendships, being surrounded by people, and I find too, creative writing helps.)
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Dmonix
im always torn between wanting companionship and saying fuck it, most of the human race is idiotic anyway. but alas, this feeling of loneliness doesnt want to go away. my dad (r.i.p) was a bit of a drinker, and i know i shouldnt, but i would kill for a case of beer. i mean, at least they would keep me company..
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chb_97
I hear ya. I want people in my life, community, friendship, bf, etc. But then people in general just annoy the hell out of me. I know I shouldn’t start drinking again, don’t really want to, but man it’s a nice way to pass the time.
Don’t know if that helps you, but it sure helps me to know that I’m not the only one out there who feels this way.
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Slave_Girlie
I don’t know, I feel very lonely quite often. I do have a boyfriend and when I’m with him I feel okay, enless we argue, but when I’m alone I feel very depressed and alone. One very pleasant thing that I do to cheer me up is masturbation. I know that isn’t a realistic way to fix my problems, but it does make me feel much better. Anyway, I feel as though the things I’ve been maturbating to are getting increasingly dirty. So at first it would be I like to have rough sex, now it’s being tied up, then with a gag too, then hit and called demeaning names and being thrown into a cage if I’ve been naughty. I’m typically turned on by BDSM, but now it’s like I’m indulging my kinky side and enjoying dirtier things. I’m not sure if this is just a phase I’m going through, or if it’s just who I am. I’m wondering if this will get worse because already sometimes I get so horny I have to go to the bathroom at school. Right now, I think when I’m older I’d love to have a dom/sub relationship. I’m not really sure about this.
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dreamerbrandon
Nothing wrong being kinky just make sure it never go to far.
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Slave_Girlie
But at what point is it too far?…
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Waters
When it involves wrapping things around your face or neck?
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Heather
I can sympathise here. You sound a lot like I was with the exception than I’m more of a domme rather than a sub.
Maybe try exploring some of this with your boyfriend? Start with less intense stuff (light bondage, blindfold, etc) and if you both enjoy it work your way up. The trust and communication required in BSDM can bring you closer and help with the feelings of lonliness, certainly did for me.
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ms9595
I have been cheating for months. On and off, nothing serious. Never the same person twice, except for one. But I don’t see that one anymore. I start feeling like shit, then HE treats me like shit and I don’t care anymore for the rest of the day. Then we go to sleep at night and I realize that I am going straight to hell. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Fuck purgatory, I’m sure I’ll be catching the express elevator down.
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live_rose
If you like that married woman more than me, which it seems you do. Then Dump me! Don’t wait till after the holidays don’t string me along dropping bits of affection my way here and there just dump me. My confession is I can’t dump you
1. Because you’ve been the best boyfriend I’ve ever had and I do love you ( though it’s getting hard to not pull back and stop all together)
2. As a girl with GA and SA I doubt I’ll be able to get another man
3. I don’t have the backbone to do it -
Girl
I just really want to talk to her, tell her everything. But I’m too much of a wuss to get the ball rolling. What if I bore her? Or she doesn’t want to talk?
I over think things too much.
The goal is that during the winter break off from college I’ll have a nice talk with her before classes start up again near the end of January.
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Prufrock
Stop thinking, just act.
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noleftturns
I wish someone would surprise me with something nice. Just once.
I feel like I’m always trying to please people, and I never get the same in return.
Take me to lunch, stop by my place for a visit unannounced, show an honest interest in me for once, I don’t care.I just want proof you guys love me back.
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immortally.alive
I know exactly how you feel. sometimes you give n give n give, but when ur in need theres no one in sight. my friends only talk to me when they need somethin n they never text or call to see how im doin. although i’d spend my last dime on them.. Theres not much i can do. The world is selfish and ugly… good thing theres still ppl like us. keep ur head up, cuz ur probably making someones day.
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Remixer
People are far less grateful for what you do for them than you will probably ever believe.
However, you have no right to expect the things you do.
Either they show interest in you or they don’t. Humans are fickle that way.
Trying to “coerce” (for lack of a better word) them into having an interest in you by doing nice things for them, the fault lies with you and noone else.
If you are not satisfied with it, find better friends or change your attitude.
Remixer
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noleftturns
Wow, you’re pretty cynical. When it comes down to it I don’t do nice things to get people to like me, I do them because I like people. My friends like me and I like them, and I have to congratulate you on getting me to see that by posting a response as useless as “people suck you should get better friends.” That’s a real gift.
P.S: You don’t have to put your name at the end of your post. We already see it at the top.
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noleftturns
Addendum: After seeing your other posts, I’m pretty sure you’re either out of touch with humanity, a troll, or a fourteen year old.
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Remixer
Cheers, but I’m neither of those.
Regardless, the point still stands, that if you’re not happy with what you have, change must occur.
Whether you accept that logic or brand it as cynical and me as a troll, is your decision. Neither affects the argument in place.
Remixer
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noleftturns
Well, crisis averted.
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Kitty
I feel the same <3
- Shannon
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secondchancesx3
I kiind off feel the same sometimes..but not really. Like I do things for people because I want to do them. Not because I expect something in return.
but then sometimes, set the whole, i do things for people aside, i feel like i just dont get treated well sometimes. But it has nothing to do with the fact that i did something for them first…
idk if that makes any sense at all. lol
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fmlylife.
i think im gonna stop coming here. its useless for me now. i honestly just dont care about anything. my future, my past, my current, anything. i feel useuless, abused, mistreated, not appreciated, un loved, a complete fuck up. thats all i am, and all i will ever be, untell the day i die. even if i turn out great, and make a whole bunch of money and do everything right, it wont be enough for ou, you you will find the things bad in my life, things that arnt even there. so ill help you, ill just cut strait tothe bad stuff. ill start with some cutting, then some beer n weed and failed assignments and classes. maybe then you can tell me im a fuck up, and it will be true.
hope you realise one day that every time i crymyself to sleep, which is every night, its over worry for you
that i play video games because i cant sleep ever because im worried about if your okay,
i hope that you look back on all the times that you said i never cared, and that im stupid and i suck at everything, that you never loved me, that you never will, that i cant do anything right, ive never been right and that i never will, and i hope it tears your heart out. i hope you say “damn, he was so perfect for me and to me, and i threw it away”. because im done trying to be your knight in shining armor. if im not good enough for you, atleast tell me so i dont rip my heart out for you.-
D.S
Live life on what you think about yourself. Not on what other people think about you.
You know you haven’t been doing anything wrong, so don’t give up hope.
I wish you all the best in life, and I promise you I do not think you’re a fuck no matter what.
Good luck with it all,
Daniela
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D.S
Sorry, I don’t think you’re a ‘fuck up’.
Daniela
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secondchancesx3
Don’t stop. We all care. Best wishes to you if you do stop though.
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camomile
Thats not nice to be told things like that and someone to treat you like that,that you are not good enough this and that.Dont listen to that s*** and crap,to me that is for small kids not for adults to talk like that who should have respect for each other.That is so hurting to be told things like that,I would slap him on the face who ever it is.Who has the right to tell you that whatever you do is not right,i think she is judgementall she should look at herself.There is people who can really badly make your self-esteem bad and I really hate them.Those kind of people think they are all that and in love withthemselfs well i am not in lvoe with them,too badddddddddddd.
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thallie
I talked to him last night. Really talked to him for the first time in a couple of weeks. I told him how lonely I’ve been, and what sorts of therapy my shrink has been doing. He asked to see, so I showed him a few of the sketches from my diary. I wish I’d just smiled and pretended I was fine when he asked. I feel like I pushed him even farther away. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
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D.S
Thallie,
I’m going to give to the most rational advice I can muster, I don’t want to he hurtful, just truthful.
It seems to me that his initial reason for coming back to you was because, yes, he still loved you, but it seems that it is slowly ebbing away. From what you tell us, it just doesn’t feel like he wants to continue on with working things out anymore, and especially if he is hanging out with that other girl again. He can’t deny his feelings, i think.
The short response would be for me to suggest to get over him, but it is so much more difficult than what it sounds.
Do you really want to work things out with a guy who USED to make you happy?
It seems that now he just doesn’t feel for you as much as you’d want him to. He broke up with you because you were going through a tough time, i hardly think that is fair, or nice. Yes you took it out on him, and yes you hurt him, but it wasn’t as if you did it because you didn’t love him anymore nor was it intentional, you have personal issues which are affect you and no, you should never take it out on other people, but sometimes, we can’t help it.
If the positions were reversed, and he had family problems and caused fights and upsets with you, who had a relatively normal life, would you break up with him?
He just reached the end of his tether, and it can happen sometimes, but things can be so so so much worse, and if he can’t support or deal with a bit of a depression on the ‘Relationship Scale’, then I can’t imagine him being able to deal other important issues with you and sticking with you through thick and thin. He might have used to, but it doesn’t seem like that anymore.Telling him about the steps you’re taking to get help may have had an opposite effect to what you were hoping - you were possibly trying to show him that you need him because there is a lot going on in your life… the thing is, it seems the thing that is taking over your everything is Him, and you’re seeing a Shrink not only for personal problems but also because of him. It might have made him feel terrible and told you, more to convince himself, that you were fine.
Sometimes letting a guy know you’re okay shows that youre moving on, that you don’t need him anymore, you’re more dependent etc. and that in itself can be an almost attractive thing to him. That, or youre ridding him of all guilt so he can move on with the new girl.
My ex told me while I was crying that he reckoned I would be okay. And what has driven me to that point of being okay is reverse psychology. It can work sometimes, but not always. I’m not saying to you to be vindictive and hope to cause a little bit of emotional pain or emptiness toward him, but both you and him benefit from it from your coping.You go to college right? There are plent of people out there! Socialise, study in the library (looking smart can work wonders
)
Stop yourself from being miserable because it is HIM that is doing that to you.I want to help you and I want you to have a happy disposition and to move on and you know, being independent brings out your confidence, and that can be the most irresistible thing. You have to understand that he wouldnt be very ‘attracted’ to you if you’re showing yourself as, for lack of a better word, weak and i suppose unhappy.
You feel happy when you speak with him, but it seems sporadic, you aren’t constantly having fantastic conversation, things are probably a little rusty. Is he approaching you, offering to see you to hang out?I’ve said this before, but I think you know in your heart of hearts what to do.
I hope what I said makes sense, because I’m here to help, remember that, and thanks for your comment on my confession before,
Take care,
Daniela
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ithinkineedahug
i like that song…haaah sorry that last line made me think of a song..anywayss im sorry…and i hope that you think you pushed him away but you two actually bonded and became closer. best of luck:)
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thallie
I miss him so, so, so, so incredibly, mind numbingly, heart achingly much. All I want is a call a night. Ten minutes. But that’s too much to ask for. I’m so lonely, but what else can I do? It’s even worse, because I know that he’s with her when he’s not talking to me. I know he’s not cheating, but I still feel like he’s choosing her over me.
I wish that I didn’t love him half as much as I do.
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Cornholio
Thallie: I feel for you, I’m in the same position. I wish I could forget her. Though we’re meeting again soon I think this will be a mistake
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secondchancesx3
“I miss him so, so, so, so incredibly, mind numbingly, heart achingly much.”
&&
“I wish that I didn’t love him half as much as I do.”2 sentences that describe exactly how i feel about internet dude.
arrgghh… -
bunny
This describes me so well, too
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scp
Oh god, I can relate so badly. <3
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thallie
I work so hard to be perfect. I try so hard to be charming, and pretty, and fun, and strong, and clever, all in the hopes that I can get someone, anyone, to love me enough to want to keep me.
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reduxxd
Try reading this: If it helps… tell pple abt it!
http://www.selfhelpmagazine.com/article/the-pursuit-of-happiness
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thallie
Thanks for the try, but this didn’t really help me ): I did love myself for a while, but that didn’t seem to change anything. I’m just as unlovable as ever.
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shameful
Hi Thallie. You have replied to me before i have never to you. I am the one who is having an online/phone affair. I still am. I know bad person. Anyway, it sounds like you are like a lot of us who just want to be loved and never feel like we fit in. And yet here WE ALL ARE on this message board trying to reach out to on another. What is up with that? I know that I am not perfect and I don’t try to be anymore. Just know that I and sounds like a lot of other ppl empathize with you.
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secondchancesx3
hey thallie. you dont have to work so hard to be perfect. I bet you already are charming, BEAUTIFUL, fun, stong and smart without even trying!! Someone worth your love, will love you how you are RIGHT now. love you for all your imperfections, all your flaws (lets face it. we all have flaws! Its half of what makes us so individual, and beautiful!) Someone will come around, and you will be perfect in their eyes. Dont settle for “someone, anyone” When the right guy comes, you will know it. because not only will you be pefect in his eyes, you will be pefect for each other. And it will be beautiful.
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thallie
I hate that I am so fragile right now. One night of not talking to me was all it took to send me right back to the bottom of the hill, all over again. It’s easier to put on a happy face again now, but is that really better than crying on the sofa when I felt bad?
I put on makeup this morning for the first time in nearly a week. It’s easier to pretend I’m fine when I cover up the dark circles of another sleepless night and brighten up my eyes with a little eyeshadow and mascara. I wonder what I’m doing wrong. I wonder why I’m not beautiful to you anymore.
Days like this just make me want to curl up into myself and never come back out.
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secondchancesx3
Just went through something that sounds very similar. If you cant tell. Its been weeks since he has talked to me. I have been curled up like that since the day i knew it was over. Its not a fun place to be. Dont do it. be open about it, have people help you deal with it. It stinks being so sad, and alone at the same time!!
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thallie
That’s just it. We aren’t broken up. There are nights… most of last week, really… where everything is fine. Which is why I feel stupid for letting one or two lame nights totally tear me up like this.
We nearly broke up. That’s what started all of this. My mother tried to commit suicide and my boyfriend nearly broke up with me over it a few months later. And losing him isn’t JUST losing him, though that in itself is bad enough. His family is my family. Without them, I’m alone in this world.
It’s all so overwhelming… I’m sorry to hear that you’re having such a rough time, too. My heart really goes out to you. It’s nice to know that someone else out there knows what I’m going through, at least to some extent.
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secondchancesx3
wow, i knew i didnt know your situation, because everyones is different. but man, im so sorry. i understand though. that his family is your family. and how hard it would be with out them all. how could he want to break up with you after somehting like that happens though? i find that horrible. yeah it may be a tricky situation and all but i would be nothing but THERE for my sig other if something like that happend. ah. Im so sorry about everything and mine goes out to you as well. Itll all be okay. Always here to talk!
Either way i still do agree with what i said, its better to be open about it then keep it all inside and be by yourself. it really sucks being alone. so this site is good. because you can tell a bunch of strangers! =) lol
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camomile
You are beautifull person and you dont need to be beautifull for anyone.
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hakking
I texted her that morning to say I needed to speak to her. I resolved to tell her my feelings this morning - after 2 years of doubting the sincerity of my feelings I finally came to realise that they were true. Many mornings I wake up and wish she was by my side, that I could kiss her on her round cheek before I go to bed, that I can share my jubilation and sorrow alike with her.
today we met in some off road near a hospital - she was going back home and turned back around when I called her. She insisted that I tell her what I wanted to speak to her about when I texted her earlier today. I asked if i could sit in the front seat of her car and talk. I told her I deeply admire her and have done so for the past 2 years. I asked her if the feeling was mutual. She said that it was not. I apologized if I upset her and left.
I wanted to look back but I could not bring myself to do so.
Even now my own sorrow doesn’t seem to trouble me compared to the guilt or load on her mind I may have placed on her. i just want her be to happy, with whoever and wherever she is.
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D.S
I really and truly feel for you.
The only advice I can give for this is that you need to move on, which I extremely hard, I know - but it has to be done.
Daniela
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unknown
man, thats almost made me cry, thats so fucking sweet
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hakking
Dearest, I still love you that hasn’t changed. I can still see your innocent eyes looking back at me through the lens of my mind. That luminescent smile that could light up the gloomiest day. That penguin-like waddle that makes me want to laugh. Every time I see you I simply can’t hide my happiness. Bliss for a few seconds before reality hits home.
What has changed is that I am certain. I’m certain that you don’t love me. That puts me at ease - at least I can be certain of where we stand. Sometimes I’m thankful you said no - at least I can move on somewhat and also do things I’ve wanted to get on with.
I blame Disney for still hoping for a happy ending.
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pd0815 6:45 am on March 25, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
12-14 is perfect. I really don’t know how TV or advertising can literally effect people’s feelings about themselves. We’re designing our cd cover and it’s going to have a dead girl on it. I hope it doesn’t project that we encourage death in girls. because it doesn’t. we love girls .. live ones… with warm skin and . … i’ll stop