third coming out attempt: failed.
mother, understand. i’m not confused - you’re ignorant.
third coming out attempt: failed.
mother, understand. i’m not confused - you’re ignorant.
I miss you so much and each day without you hurts. I can’t just “take a break” from you and wait until you get better and then see if we still want to be together, whatever that means. You won’t explain to me what you meant. I’m glad we still talk but it’s hard to act just as friends. I promised you I’d be there for you whenever you needed me - I meant it … and you need someone now more than ever.
I don’t think I’ll ever get over loving you…
I miss you so much. I don’t understand what happened. One day everything is fine the next you won’t talk to me. OMG your 40 years old, we are not kids why are you acting like one? So I leave you a message and tell you fine, I will go away and leave you alone and I have done it. I ache without you. But the past two days your texting me one word, hey. WTF So I answer back with hey and then nothing. What is going on? Do you think you did no wrong and are waiting on me to call? I don’t get this at all. So today no text, no nothing. I miss our friendship, our long talks, hearing about what your doing during the day, the next day. Did it all mean nothing to you? We have known each other so long, I don’t understand. If there is a problem just call and say so damn it! I am a strong woman and refuse to call you like some weak little girl. You are the one who decided you didn’t want to talk one day out of the blue without a word. I have cried a thousand tears and my heart aches like it has been ripped into pieces. I gave you my heart and feel like you took it for granted and stomped it into the ground. I know our lives are complicated with other relationships but I don’t care. You are such an important part of my life…where are you…what are you thinking…
Please to God call me
yesterday i was scared that if i felt him, even through his pants, it’d become all he wants.
today, when we were holding hands in the hall, he put my hand there… and then last hour, he hugged me, and pulled me to him, and asked if i could feel how hard he was.
im scared i was right.
i love him.
but i want a real relationship.
we’re 15, and we’ve been together 5 months total, with a one wweek break in there.
he cheated on me with his best (female) friend. he wanted to prove to her it was worth it to stay alive, and so they played the nervous game.
i feel like im in competition with her for his attention, coz she fakes sad every single day. i dont know what to do anymore. i cry about this more than i would like to.
I have tried being happy lately. I really do hate being down and I am normally an upbeat person. I am usually telling my wife to be more positive…The truth is, I hate my life. I feel like the last 14 years have been a waste. I messed up and put myself in a situation where I am living where I do not want to live. I have a job that I hate and can’t find another one. I feel like I am a failure as a father. There is nothing that I want more than a “Do Over” button.
I know that isn’t possible, but I can’t get my mind off of it. I just want to start over. Is there anyone else out there that is over $100,000 in debt and that does NOT include a house? Yup that would be me.
I am trapped and I feel like there is no way out. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. Life is just going to continue to suck until the day I die. Heck, the way things are going for me, the way I die will suck too. It will probably be some long drawn out and painful thing.
Hope…I want it. I want to believe that there is something better. That it will get better. If you knew me, you would never believe that I feel this way. I have gotten really good at acting positive and happy. I have even had people tell me that they wish they could be positive like me, that they look to me as an example of this. If they only knew the truth. Inside, I am a wreck.
I get up in the morning and dread going to work. At the end of the day, I dread going home. The only place I wish I could be is where I consider home.
I never get to go there…She finds a reason why we can’t go. Not that they aren’t legitate reasons…but she always finds them. I don’t think she does it on purpose, but she does it.
I want happiness.
i read good quotes about moving on and never giving up hope…
but im losing hope. i feel we’re drifting apart.. i know i f***ed up, and now im paying for it.. you have school and work. and you’re under a lot of stress. i understand that. u say you’re a bad gf and u cant give me what i need in a relationship.. and you cant say if you wanna be with me, u say that u dont wanna hurt my feelings.
im so damn of being depressed. i hate this, this is NOT me. i just want u to hold my hand, or a kiss. heck send me a random i love u text. but i never get it anymore…how do i show u its ok? what do i need to do? tell me… but all i get is you dunno.. what do i need to do? leave? im hurting and tired of it, i just want you to be happy so we can go back to us being a happy couple…
It’s hard always being the strong, dependable one, because no one ever notices when you’re not ok, you have had to learn to hide it with a smile
I wish someone would surprise me with something nice. Just once.
I feel like I’m always trying to please people, and I never get the same in return.
Take me to lunch, stop by my place for a visit unannounced, show an honest interest in me for once, I don’t care.
I just want proof you guys love me back.
I feel guilty for whining all the time. I am so blessed, but all I can do is bitch and moan and throw myself a pity party. I really need to get my ass in gear and cheer up, but I just seem to lack the ability /:
I am an incredibly lame person.
I miss him so, so, so, so incredibly, mind numbingly, heart achingly much. All I want is a call a night. Ten minutes. But that’s too much to ask for. I’m so lonely, but what else can I do? It’s even worse, because I know that he’s with her when he’s not talking to me. I know he’s not cheating, but I still feel like he’s choosing her over me.
I wish that I didn’t love him half as much as I do.
For the last two days, I’ve felt okay. It’s 2am and I don’t want to go to sleep, because I’m afraid that tomorrow will be a bad day, and this whole vicious cycle of happy and unbelievably, crushingly sad will start all over again.
I work so hard to be perfect. I try so hard to be charming, and pretty, and fun, and strong, and clever, all in the hopes that I can get someone, anyone, to love me enough to want to keep me.
So I have this problem, a kind of normal problem I guess.
I’m still in love with my ex boyfriend.
We started dating August 20th and we were on and off for 9 months. I never gave him head, but I let him take my virginity. After he took my virginity he decided head was more important and left me for some other girl.
That was the first time I ever experienced a heart break.
He came back for me because he still “loved” me. After I took him back, he did it again. Except this time he went on a date with the girl while him and I were still dating, so I proceeded to dump him.
That was the second time I experienced a heart break.
We still talk, and sometimes we’re best friends. This summer we went to warped tour together and it was amazing. On the way home he told me that he still loved me and he chose the girl he’s with now only because I chose the guy I’m with now. That’s bullshit. Whenever we talk he says it’s my fault and if I didn’t dump him that day we’d still be together.
Oh how i wish i didn’t dump him.
Now several months since the last time we we’re together, i have a boyfriend. Don’t get me wrong, i am so so happy, and i do love my current boyfriend, but sometimes I get into these moods where all I want is my old boyfriend. I want things the way they we’re a year ago. He has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend. I know that if i wanted to i could have sex with him. Although, that’s not what i want. My parents hate him, my friends hate him, my current boyfriend hates him and his girlfriend hates me. There is so much friction between us.
I’m just not sure how to feel.
I don’t know why but for some reason, snowglobes make me really sad. I can’t stop looking at them and they are very beautiful but they often bring me to tears. I’m a guy…
I’m 19 years old this year and I’ve only had sex once. It feels like something’s wrong with me! I’ve had one boyfriend and we knew eachother though school, so we got together after 3 years in the same class and now I feel like it’s impossible to meet someone, because no one will ever get to like me without knowing me for a couple of years. I always feel like I’m not pretty enough, not smart enough, not funny enough, not skinny enough, not interesting enough. It’s MAD to think that just a few years is gonna affect the rest of my life, but that doesn’t stop me.. What if I’m the one who ends up unmarried and untouched (almost) ? I HATE THIS! I’m so filled with lust right now so I don’t know where to put myself. Ieergh! Can’t just everything change with the move?? Please..
That’s it. It’s over. After one hell of a year and two months, you finally left me. I can’t really believe it. I don’t want to. I’m such a fucking idiot for the things i’ve done. I’m such a self centred dick for the things i’ve thought. I’m such a insensitive cunt for the things i’ve said. Even if all of those, were out of panic for losing you. Ironicly. The worrying about losing you, is the thing that made you dump me. You think i don’t know you, but really i memorize every word you say, and hold it closer to my heart than my lungs. You’re the best thing that has EVER happened to me. I will cherish the memories we’ve had together, even if i live far away, and therefore we don’t have as many good ones as most couples. I hope to god that you’ll give me another chance, i’ve learned my lessons. Please. I need you. Or, at least, i need to know you’ll be happier without me. I know i’m only 15. I know you all think you’ll get over it, you’ll think you’ve fallen in love with the next girl that bats her lashes at you. And you’re in a way right, on the first part. But, although i’l learn to love again, i’l never love quite like i love you. Although there are plenty more fish in the sea, i’l never find quite a rare beauty like you. I feel like i’m playing every part of the song Jolene, with the exception of that of the ‘man’. I took my own girl away from me, but i’m begging you to come back.
P.S. You people that don’t mean any harm by saying ‘All you people that are all sad need to grow up and learn to become stronger by your problems!’ annoy the hell out of me. We don’t give a shit, just cause you can manage it, doesn’t mean everyone else can. Lucky, fucking, you.
therapy and “telling someone” doesnt work for shit. it makes my depression worse.
if they dont give me the fucking meds soon, im not going to be around for much longer.
I think it’s a bad sign when a book about deception and crazy people has lots of parallels to my life…
I feel so damn sad every day and I don’t know why. It feels like there is a weight sitting on my heart, but I have no reason to feel so sad. I have so much to be thankful for.
All Time Shannon 7:30 am on March 7, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
hmm… i dont know what to say to this. I see you tagged it as ‘sad’ please dont be sad. you have the courage to come out, some people don’t. know that we accept you. your mother will come round. what she said, that you confused… is only to be expected.
how old are you may i ask?
jasmine 11:28 am on March 7, 2010 Permalink | Log in to Reply
i’m fourteen years old, but i came out to my best friend at thirteen, and i’ve known who i am for longer than that. hopefully my mother will eventually see
i just gotta hold on, all my friends are wishing the best for me, and i love them all for that ^-^